Does she still love her ex...

[Sadhubby]

So my GF and I have been trying hard to make our relationship work and things are ok. But the other night she said some things that have me worried.

She lived with her ex boyfriend for nearly 3 years. They split up 3 years ago. Since then she's had a few short relationships but nothing serious until me.

So when we were talking, she said to me that her ex had promised her the world, that they would get married, have a family and live happily ever after. However he had an affair, left and is now married to this woman. My girlfriend said, he's now doing with her all the things he said we would do.

A few weeks later he came up in conversation again. This time she said, she's never felt safe since they split up, she always felt safe with him and since then she always feels anxious bit never did when she was with him. Although we don't live together, she didn't say anything to me like, but I feel safe with you etc...

She's adamant she doesn't love him but she gets upset when she talks about him. Even though it's 3 years later this still effects her. I was with my ex wife 15 years and we split 18 months ago. I don't let that past relationship effect us so why is she.

I've tried to talk to her about it but she shoots me down telling me I'm over reacting.

To be honest, I'm now thinking of ending the relationship because I won't be second best to an old flame

How long have you been together?

Been together 6 months

It sound like she is more affected by the betrayal of her ex and she hasn't let go of the hurt he caused rather than her being in love with him tbf.

I agree with you. I'd end it. She's not over him and feels jealous his wife is living the life she was promised.

I'd just tell her it's not working for you and bow out.

You're still at the early stages of your relationship but you've been "trying hard to make things work"
If you have to try that hard this early on I think it's probably a non starter, your relationship started relatively soon after your marriage ended and it doesnt sound like she is fully over her ex.

BUT- someone probing and prying into my previous relationships and demanding reassurance that I loved them more than my previous partners would make me run for the hills- I think you might need to back off a little bit, it sounds unnecessarily dramatic!

I'm not demanding she loves me more... BUT... if she loved me like she says she does and wants a future with me, why is this relationship such an issue. It was 3 years ago...

Sounds like too much drama. I'd move on.

6 months in, you should have to be working hard.

However, I dont think it's odd she feels the ways she does. I dont think it means she still loves him. But the betrayal is still impacting her.

And it does. A huge betrayal changes people. She doesnt feel safe because he showed her, that you can feel completely safe and trust someone, they can be there for you tell you its forever and then completely screw you over.

I was married for 18 years. My husband was a shit. However I moved past his behaviour quite quickly. But not everybody does.

I actually think it's a good thing she is being honest about how she feels.

I also dont believe you dont let past relationships impact your relationships now. Our relationships change us make us view things in a certain way. It may not have huge impacts, but they do form part of us and therefore impact current relationships.

At the end of the day only you know, if you want to help her through this. She needs to learn to trust again, but no one can say wether she actually will or not. You dont have to stay, if you are uncomfortable in the relationship. That's for you to decide.

She sounds like hard work. Bin her off

Sorry but shes is most certaintly not in love with you if shes saying all that to you. To me it sounds like she just sees you as a friend.