Hi all, I will try and keep this brief as it could be long and boring.
Twenty years ago I met a man. We lived in different countries but maintained a long distance relationship for years. At the time, and both much younger, we drank to excess and had wild, fun times.
Neither of us had any intention of moving and it fizzled out. We both met other people and were out of contact for long periods of time. However any time we were both single we would hook up. Lots of fun, holidays, great sex.
Six years ago I met someone and was in a committed relationship. We were together 5 years but it ended and in my grief I reached out to my ex. He was single and we have been in touch since, meeting up once a month for fun. This has gone on since August last year.
The last time we met was a week ago. He treated me to a lavish weekend away and I have returned home accepting I have feelings for him. This scares me because he has hurt me in the past by coldly cutting me out after an argument.
We haven't had any deep talk about what it is we are doing, probably because at the start I said it was just fun. His work has got really intense (secured a massive contract and is prioritizing this for his financial future). I did tell him maybe 5 months ago I wanted more than a monthly meet up and he said he couldn't commit to more as his work is too important (he is a manager if his own business). We did continue to see each other as I felt I could just enjoy the fun.
I don't believe he is invested as much as I have realised I am. In fact I'm pretty sure he isn't.
I feel I have to walk away because I know we are not right for each other. I just feel sad at the thought of knowing I've become invested. I also feel foolish that I thought I wouldn't get invested.
I have had an online dating account but not really bothered with it. Recently a man has got in touch and wants to meet for coffee. I am attracted to him and through the messages we have shared he sounds like fun and is very easygoing, something I like.
So here I am feeling like a terrible person. I know I have to end it with my ex. It isn't going anywhere, but I'm sad.
I am happy with my own company, but I'm afraid if I invest any more in my ex that I am going to get very hurt.
I do think I will kick myself if I don't meet this guy because it's rate anyone floats my boat with old.
I'm sorry this is such a waffle. I should have thought it through more before posting.
If anyone has been through something similar, I'd appreciate hearing about it.
Thanks for reading.