New dating advise

[SomeUsername]

Last year I met someone doing an activity and we got on really well, we spent most of the session talking and exchanged numbers at the end. I text them a couple of days later saying I really enjoyed the evening and their company. They responded saying they'd had a lovely time and would definitely like to meet up again.

Over the next couple of months they text occasionally to see if I wanted to meet up and do said activity. Due to things going on in my life, I couldn't make it and contact died off.

I saw them again at the start of the year and we once again really clicked. We started texting fairly frequently, although it seemed like I was mostly initiating. When I suggested things to do they'd always say they'd love to and we had a great time.

Recently, we've gone for a couple of meals and there was definitely a connection. Lots of blushing, genuine laughter and contact. After the last meal I text them saying how much I enjoy their company and I'd like to see a lot more of them. They responded saying the same and they'd have free time shortly so we could see more of each other.

During this period I again felt like I was making all the initial contact by text, and I worry that I perhaps text too much and they felt compelled to respond. I guess I was trying to get a feel for how they felt - the text's were generally light.

Last week they suggested we meet for a meal and again it went really well. Since then, our texts turned a bit flirty and then they stopped responding. Worried things had gone too far, I apologised about the direction the texts were going.

When they finally responded, they said they weren't offended, but since then, any contact we've had has been short and they barely reply if at all.

I'd usually ask what was going on, but don't want to make them feel pressured. Perhaps it's me, but I feel things are definitely off.

Should I just leave them to it? Is this all too much effort for something so early?

I feel like I could really fall for this person, so would rather back off and insulate myself than get deeper (if that's an option) - I guess I'm just confused by it all.

I'd happily be told I misread all the signals

Apologies if this all sounds a bit adolescent - I've been out of the dating arena for a while.

Gah, and that should read "advice"!

Personally I'd leave it and let them come to you,I wouldn't be chasing them.Let them be sending the next texts and suggesting meet ups.If they are barely replying then it sounds like you are chasing them and they are not that bothered.

If they don't move on, are you sure he/she is single? it sounds like they may have others on the go or be married.I wouldn't be asking whats happening, no way.

Hard to know, but if I fancied someone I'd take the opportunity to flirt, which it seems you have given them. Maybe take a chance and ask them out for a drink rather than a meal? What have you to lose?

I'm fairly sure they're single, they've brought it up a few times. They also mentioned they're currently in therapy due to a break up a year or so back.

Until the weekend, they generally responded to texts really well and we'd spend most of they day chatting. Although, as above, it was always me who sent the first text.

Since the weekend, there's been either a word or two answers or no response.

I too wouldn't be doing any more chasing with this one. You've been great, haven't played mindgames, and have shown very clearly that you are interested. I think you just have to leave it there. If he is keen then he will let you know, by making an appropriate level of effort. If keen, he wouldn't want to let you go. His lukewarm attitude suggests that he's not that bothered either way. Sorry OP, it's so difficult I know

My golden rule is after initiating texts 3/4 times if none are being instigated by the other person then I just leave it to fade out.

Why are you chasing when you are the catch?

Why are you chasing when you are the catch?

But surely everyone is the catch? If everyone just sat there waiting for the other person, the human race would have died out long ago.

That said, I'd be giving this one up as a lost cause. It's been dribs and drabs for far too long and sticking with the fishing analogy, unless you have a reason to have a very small dating pool (you live very very rurally or you're a man who doesn't want kids or to be a step parent), there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Thanks all. I guess what kept me chasing is because when we do meet, there feels like a strong connection and they seem very keen.

We have shared interests and a shared outlook - or at least we're very comfortable talking about things which I avoid with pretty much everyone else least I seem weird or outlandish.

Also, we've touched on some deeply personal stuff which I'd never talked to anyone else about - perhaps this level of "intimacy" is what got me hooked.

They run an activity group which I joined a few months back - would it be best for my sanity if I left it? I can still do the activity in other places, but it's a bit niche.

Well I think it depends really, if there are loads of other people there and you feel o.k then I'd just go and let it pass. If theres just you and this person and a couple of others and you think you'd feel uncomfortable or a bit upset then I'd just go to another group.
Whatever you decide don't let this person start up messing you about again blowing hot and cold. Let them be having deep chats with other people.

They are one of the group leaders - which complicates things. I don't really want to deal with them, but I also don't want to impinge on something they've built up and is "their space."

I completed a major milestone in said activity yesterday and that's on the group facebook page. No contact at all to say congratulations.

It all sucks really. I have no idea how people can just change like that - one moment saying how much they like you, suggesting meet ups, then next, curt replies and and no contact. If something had happened precipitate this at least I'd have a reason/understanding - but the feeling of hanging on and cluelessness as to the cause is messing with me.

Honestly just ask them OP. Be really direct and say you thought this was headed in a certain direction and ask for clarification on how they feel about you so that you don't get confused. If they aren't interested, then maybe change to going somewhere else instead where you won't be around them.

No point in wasting time wondering, the worst they can say is not interested and then you have your answer.

To totally drip feed, we work in the same place but don't have much contact. It's a big employer and they work across site. I guess I didn't want to possibly cause work issues (perhaps too late??) and also, perhaps I'm afraid of the answer.

You're probably right though!

One of those ridiculous posts where the OP tries to discuss a singular person using a plural pronoun because he or she believes MN is gender-biased. Grow up!

Just use he or she. Nobody cares.
I'd be thinking they've met someone else and are trying to be cool about you.
If you're happy going to your activity and meeting friends then go, don't expect a reaction from him/her.

I don't get the whole they business. Just say she! I'd be drained writing that!
Have you asked 'them' OP what their intentions are? In meeting up with you? I take it your question is does this person like me/want a relationship/are they straight/are they stringing me along or any combination of?

FWIW, this person just isn't that into you. Just move on.