DD is not sure she wants to stay with her bf, does she let him go?

[deofficiis]

So DD has some doubts about whether she can see herself staying with her bf. I am glad she feels comfortable enough to discuss this with her mum, but I don't know what to advise!

He's such a lovely lad, and has a bright future ahead as a doctor. His family have been so welcoming to her, and they do get along very well.

However she says that he gets so horribly moody, and once he's had a drink so mean and bitchy over nothing. It's as if he's always looking for a fight, and this really upsets DD.

So she now has doubts whether she should just let him go and it would be hard for the both of them but would allow them to find someone better suited. Or ought she just keep it going and hedge her bets.

She described him as her first love . She is only 21 so no rush!

It's 2019
Women don't have to stay with men who treat them shit when drunk. Being a potential doctor would not sway my decision.

@mypieter You are suggesting she stay with an abusive man (yes, that is what he! He isn't lovely "after" a drink, so is hiding it until the mask slips) who will escalate under the pressure of studying to be a dr (high instances of alcoholism in that profession as it is) and possibly abuse her?

Just to be "kept" ... fuck that shit!!

Get rid of Dr. Jekyll. Think about it. He'll ruin ever social occasion they'll ever have where drink might be involved, wedding included. I couldn't live with that! Some of the best times of your 20s are getting drunk and dancing and having fun. She'll be crying in the loos and have shit memories of being abused and...just nope!

Your views are outdated. A doctor isn’t a good prospect. Every friend I’ve got who is married to a doctor hates it. It is not a career that is conducive with marriage/children in my opinion from listening to friends. They are worked to death and the women left to deal with all the childcare and housework.

This can't be real.

Are you kidding me? What sort of mum would advise her 21 year old daughter to stay in a relationship with someone who is moody, mean and bitchy, AND her daughter has already expressed doubts about the relationship? Lets go back 50 years when a women’s only worth could be measured by her husband’s job. 🙄. This can’t be real, no grown woman who cared about her daughter could be such a dope.

Why does it matter that he’s going to be a doctor or his family are lovely, he’s treating your dd appallingly. You need to get passed this and encourage her to not settle for unpleasant,moody man-children as a partner despite their glittering career prospects.

Tell her to ditch him and then discuss how she can have a bright future all by herself which is the only safe bet for a person in this world.

Oh yes and check the calendar has moved forward from 1950.

I’m not sure I would’ve listened to my mother’s advice ages 21 and in love with my first love. If she’s asking for advice though...it doesn’t sound like a great relationship to me. So he has the potential to be a doctor (status, responsibility, presumably good money) but it’s also a stressful job. Will he be using alcohol to manage that stress? You said he’s a nasty drunk - I wouldn’t want that for my child. Yes it’ll hurt at first if they split, but better to be alone or have the potential to find a nicer partner in the long run.

About the best I can say for him is that if he's in training he must be in his early 20s too and likely immature. He may grow out of the moodiness. That said, one of the things that would snap him out of it quicker than anything is losing a girlfriend he (presumably) cares about as a consequence of his own bad behaviour. Leaving him would probably be doing him a favour in the long run.

Mainly you have to be concerned about your DD's happiness though, and this doesn't sound like the man to provide it, certainly not at this stage in both their lives.

I can't believe you needed to post online for advice. I also can't believe you don't know what to do here... She's 21! Be a good mother!