Dry spells couples - can you come back from a dry spell?

[SMJYellow]

I wrote this last night:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/3560827-Sex-has-dried-up

I'm currently going through a dry spell with my partner. I'm feeling like pure rubbish. We had a night away and when.I went on top of him and tried to get him inside of me, he took over with his hand to his cock.

We had sex twice in seven months because he's always doing that.

I find myself ignoring his calls today and I don't know of I want to talk to him or see him again. We have plans for next weekend and I don't want to go away with him now at all. I'm dreading it.

Does he watch a lot of porn? Wanting to "finish" himself is a sign of that. They lose sensation in their penis and can't enjoy penetrative sex.

Have you spoken to him about this?

I don't know if he watches porn. We don't live together. We see each other about 3/4 times a week and he stays over about twice a week.

I haven't spoken to him yet. I'm still trying to get my head around things. The lack of sex was there for a few months but it wasn't an issue for me and he never mentioned the lack of sex either. It's only become a new/fresh issue now since our night away. We still couldn't have sex and then it hit me.

Right now, I feel like I don't want to ever share my bed with him again.

We are engaged and I was minding my ring very well. I wasn't wearing it to work or doing housework and a lot of the time it sat in it's box. I went to put it on and opened the box and the stone fell out from the ring. I was distraught. I was looking after it so well. It didn't fall so I don't understand what happened. I want to take to opportunity to give the ring back to him and call things off.

I'm supposed to be going be going away with him at the weekend for another overnight stay and to be quite honest, I don't want to any more. I don't know how to get out from our plans at all.

You don't want to go so you tell him that. And tell him exactly why. If though...if you have not ever discussed the sex issue with him before, it's a little unfair. You need at least to give him a chance to talk.

I agree with @HennyPennyHorror

The lack of sex over the past few months wasn't an issue for me. It only development into an issue from this weekend just gone. I was on top of him and I was trying to get him into me and he stopped me and jerked off instead.

It became an issue then for me because the last time we had sex was January and there is was jerking off before having sex with me.

He usually comes around mid week and to be quite honest, I don't want to see him and I don't want him around. I don't want to share my bed with him. This is a new development for me.

Well not being rude OP but you've had advice and you simply keep repeating the same thing over and over again.

Tell him what the issue is and then end the relationship.

He has an issue with sustaining an erection (erectile dysfunction) by the sound of it and he’s completely burying his head in the sand rather than addressing the issue. You need to actually sit down and talk to him about the issue and tell him it’s knocking your confidence to be with someone who’s not addressing his bedroom issues. He’s literally taking his semi erect penis and bashing one out in front of you rather than appologising and confronting the issue. Does he abuse alcohol or drugs regularly? Is he on any medication that may cause this issue? Either way it’s not fair to expect you to put up with this behavior and have a sexless relationship!

He's not an alcoholic. He doesn't abuse alcohol. He doesn't take drugs. He's not on any medication.

Dump him ?

"I'm really hurt that you chose to wank yourself off instead of fuck me. I was really turned on and you focussed completely on your own orgasm, not mine. You didn't even offer to help me orgasm after you'd spunked - you just went to sleep. [?] It left me feeling like you don't give a flying fuck about my sexual needs, just your own."

I'd probably dump him anyway, but give him that feedback. You never know, he might rethink his selfish ways for the next woman to benefit from.

FuriousVexation has it. You can’t do this for the rest of your life so it’s time for a frank conversation, however awkward that may be.
He either engages with the issue and talks about it and considers solutions or it’s just got to be over.

I bottled my issue up last week and let it slide. I decided to give the weekend we had planned away a go to see what happens and I began looking forward to the weekend.

The weekend was ok. We did some tourist things and ate in some lovely places. In the bedroom, the same thing happened when it came to sex. I gave him a blow job and I was all up for it but he finished himself off with a wank and there was no sex.

This is an absolute issue for me now. Last time we had sex was in January. A few nights away in a hotel and we still couldn't have sex because he preferred his hand over me. It's gut wrenching.

He's generally loving, affectionate, loyal, caring, thoughtful but there's just no sex any more and this is the end of the road for me with him.

Oh GOD.

You just keep on repeating and repeating yourself! DO something about it! For goodness sake! People have given you plenty of advice and yet you keep returning and posting about the SAME THING.

Maddening!

Don't leave him because of it. Talk about it with him first. Erectile dysfunction and wanting to finish himself off sounds like a possible porn addiction, but could be something else. Porn addicts need to quit for months in order to reboot themselves, if that's what it is.

Approach it kindly as he will probably find a it embarrassing and like a failure, which won't help.