Is your DP/DH romantic?

[boredpanda84]

I fully understand that I have a great DP in every other aspect and I may just be being a hormonal 39 week pregnant woman...but this isn't the first time this topic has come up and he just doesn't get it.

Apart from the obligatory birthday plans, DP never makes plans for the two of us and I think he would be happy with the status quo of just staying at home and pottering around if I didn't plan anything. I have been saying recently about making the most of just being a 2 before the baby comes and have been dropping hints about various things to do (in addition to booking things myself) but he just doesn't seem to get it.

It isn't just making plans etc but I always think of him when out and about and will buy little things that I have seen that I think he would like - even if it is something as small as a new chocolate bar...or going miles out of my way to get him something. He never does anything like this for me.

I may just be overthinking things as I have been bored senseless on maternity leave since 35 weeks due to company policy. I moved to DP home country a few years ago and although I have friends I am a bit isolated and so need to rely on him a bit more than I would do if I were in this situation at home.

Am I being unrealistic or are other men a bit more thoughtful/involved when planning life?

My DH is the same. It used to really get me down that he didn't put thought into gifts, whereas I spend ages deciding what to get for him. Same with the doing stuff together - he'll come out with me if I plan it and decide where we're going, but he'll never just off his own back say 'lets go to xxxx at the weekend'.

As I say it used to really bother me but over the years I've come to realise that he's just not that sort of person, it's no reflection on me and doesn't mean he doesn't love me, it's just that he's a bit, well, crap at stuff like that. So now when it's coming up to Christmas/birthdays, rather than hope he'll put thought into a gift (and inevitably be disappointed when he doesn't), I'll send him a list so he can choose from there.

And with the booking things to do - I've kind of just accepted that I'm the 'organiser' in the relationship and that if I want us to do anything, then I need to plan and organise it not ideal I know, but being constantly disappointed is no fun. So changing my expectations means I'm no longer constantly disappointed, and to be fair he's good in other ways.

Have you talked to him and been honest about how this stuff bothers you?

My DP is romantic but in a different way to me. So like Chocs describes the present giving and trips/events organising is my basket. And I like doing it, I am bit of a control freak so it suits me. He occasionally pipes up with suggestions which I have to disabuse him of and waste time persuading him to my way of thinking. I have moved up from lists of presents (slight risk of getting the least preferred). I now choose it and he pays for it. Which he thought a great idea for a time and now he realises it is very expensive. Now he just thinks it’s still a better idea than doing it himself. But no he does not do buying little thoughtful gifts.

He does compliments and affection on a daily basis so I know he is romantic and that he loves me. Romance is demonstrated in different ways by different people. It’s far worse not to see it because you expect it in a different way.

@chocolate I have done the same for several years in regards to birthday/Christmas presents...after the year he gave me a memory card (in a very practical way, not romantic to record our time together!) I realised that figuring out my own was the best way forward...he did though give it a try last Xmas though and got me a set of car mats...

I have spoken to him on a couple of occasions about this. He pulls his socks up, organises a date and then forgets about it until I get upset again about a year later. I think we had very different upbringings...mine was very much by a closeknit family that showed a lot of care for each other and made an effort to treat each other whereas he was an only child with parents split between continents and just functioned on a practical level. I think I probably just have to get used to this and accept that this is the status quo.