Scared to leave, could lose DC

[biggirlknickers]

This is my friend’s situation, not mine.

She is married with 2 DC. Her H works and she does not, because she is currently suffering from a mental health problem. Her MH problem means that currently she is unable to do the school run so this is mostly done by her H, who fortunately has flexible working conditions. Friend is at home during the day working with MH professionals when she can and wants to get better.

Her H has become verbally abusive. I don’t want to give details as this isn’t my relationship. Through his behaviour he is seriously lessening her chances of recovery. She wants to leave him. But she is frightened that with no job and a MH problem, he might get custody of the DC. The DC have never suffered or been affected by her MH problem - they are completely unaware.

She doesn’t know if he would fight for custody or not. He might. She would need to leave the family home and move the DC school because she has no support in the area they live - they live in his hometown near his parents and she wants to go back to her hometown where she can be nearer her own family and access their support.

Does anyone know how likely it is that she would lose her DC if she leaves her H?

She's not 'losing' her dc. Why should he 'lose' them?

If she wants to split up with him then they should talk about what is best for their children. If they can't agree then the family court should decide what is best for their children.

Has she thought about how she is going to look after the DC?

Obviously she shouldn't stay in an abusive relationship but if her husband has been the main carer maybe he should get custody, at least during the week? In order to continue getting them to school etc.

She needs legal advice and as soon as possible. Could she contact a local firm of Solicitors?. Given that he is abusive in any event, he may well have already thrown the "I want full custody" diatribe at her and he certainly knows what her achilles heels are i.e. her mental health and the children. He will use both against her and will in all likelihood make the process of divorce and life after that for her as long and difficult as possible.

I would actively encourage her to contact both Womens Aid and the Rights of Women organisations. Her children will certainly be affected by hearing their dad verbally abuse their mother, their home is also akin to a warzone because their dad has decided to conduct his own private based war against his wife. They also need a life free from seeing their mother being abused by their dad.

I think legal advice is needed as no one should stay in an abusive relationship BUT
the primary consideration is what's best for the kids.
If you friend is not able to leave the house then i guarantee the kids do know and are aware. And may or may not be affected. Perhaps she should leave and focus on her treatment rather than completely disrupt the kids lives and move them from everyone they know.
I mean this kindly and not as criticism of your friend. She obviously needs help and support and should get it from wherever she feels she can. But maybe the kids needs are different to hers at this time. I don't envy her her situation and wish her well with her recovery.

If she cant do the school run then it doesnt sound like she is capable of looking after them as the RP.

I would be very surprised if the mental health problems aren't at least contributed to, if not entirely caused by, the emotional and psychological abuse rained down upon her by her husband. It is all very likely intentional. He then threatens to take custody as she's "crazy" and "can't cope" with the kids, so she feels trapped, stays, and becomes mentally sicker. Vicious cycle downwards until he ultimately discards her....and follows through on the custody threats, anyway.

She needs to leave.

She needs to get support from the current MH professionals she is currently working with.