Does anyone who is long separated/divorced/split ever mull over stuff and wonder why you didn’t see the signs or leave sooner?

[Whodafeck]

As title. Not all the time or anything, but occasionally, do you ever wonder why you didn’t see the red flags sooner? Or mull over stuff and realise you tried far too hard and we’re never going to be able to fix stuff?

There’s a thread on here just sounds so like how my ex was, and I’m mulling what I could have done and the answer is nothing.

I don’t usually mull like this, and I’m a bit unsettled with it being in my head.

Caffeine. Not shame - maybe a bit, but I’m more pissed off with myself.

Hugs for everyone. It’s tough to get over.

I think as a PP has stated re low self esteem this had so much to do with my decision to "settle" for him ..but I do need to realise the reasons for that low self esteem and ensure I never feel that way again.. I think my upbringing had a lot to do with it.. being made to feel second best was a common feature of my childhood.

Stuck. Me too. I was definitely the scapegoat to the golden child.

Thanks everyone for sharing your perspectives. It has really helped.

DonDadaOnTheDownLow absolutely great learning in all that. And to know how to protect yourself in future..... You really can't put a price on that.

It's great to come out the other side wiser for the nightmare you went through :)

Yes lots of red flags over the years, but weirdly not regarding the reason why we split (cheating) I'd had no reason to distrust at all on this. The red flags were more to do with him not being a nice person in general. I wish I'd left sooner in hindsight but wasn't in the right place to do so.

If I hadn’t had children I know I would have packed a bag and left and it would have been easy compared to the long and messy divorce I went through.

I often visualise me with the bag and walking out!