Caught lying

[stressedandhurt]

So I've been married 2 years now. Together 8years. Have a ds 6. When I was pregnant caught my husband sending inappropriate messages to a colleague and they reciprocated. So I got all the promises then that he'd never do it again and guess what. When ds was 6months I caught him at it again with the same person. So I'd left him but only for about a week. Same promises and I really think he did change and I don't think he'd cheat.
What he did, and I know they were only messages absolutely killed me at the time, but slowly I gained some trust back.
8years down the line is asked him if he ever kept in contact with his old work colleagues. Different colleagues, different job and he said he didn't. I know find he has been texting some young girl (he's almost 50) and he puts 'x' on the end which hurts as I thin it makes messages quite personal. But what's really hurt this time is that he lied when I asked him if was keeping in touch.
It's kinda set me back 10 paces in the trust area as why lie about it ? There wasn't really anything in the message and she seems quite young. The language she uses isn't very ladylike but neither was his.
So after a week of not speaking to him I asked him tonight does he not see what he's done wrong. He acts like he's done nothing wrong and that he doesn't care about my feelings anyway. All he said was he was tired we talk another day.
I'm so angry. Feel used, hurt and a bit of a mug.
Don't know what to do. Could go to my parents for a while. Just feel so angry like I need to get my own back. I know that's horrible to say. Have no friends at all. Seriously not one friend in my contacts and just wanted to let it out.

It doesn't matter if he thinks it is wrong or not. It matters that you do.

For what it's worth, he dies know it's wrong, he's trying to make out you are overreacting.

I couldn't be with a man that had broken my trust multiple times.

What are you going to do?

I honestly don't know what to do. I wish I were in a situation I could leave. It's so hard.i love him.
I also have by children to think of. I worked so hard to book us all a holiday this year. It's only Butlins but The kids would lose that. And no where else to live. Can't afford somewhere myself.
Yet I know in my heart of hearts I'm being a mug.
I'd love to have friends just to say hi. I have my kids. I think it's worse because the real person I'm angry with is myself for being so weak

I'll be your friend and I'll say "hi".

Hello @stressedandhurt, hope you're doing ok.

I don't think this will help you very much, though. Sorry.

Thank you Mitzi. You have no idea it really does help. Just a few kind words works wonders

Hi @stressedandhurt 👋🏼
No real advice but just wanted to let you know that I read your post and that your feelings are being read & matter!

OK, just in case you really do want a proper friend, I'll tell you something only my RL friends know (might get this post deleted in the morning!).

My lovely cat died 18 months ago, and I miss her like crazy and it makes me happy to have a user name which makes her still sound alive (which I know is ridiculous!), so it makes me REALLY happy when other posters on here call me "Mitzi"

But going back to you, what are you going to do about your situation? And remember, every single thing you do is a message to your children which is "this is what adults do" "this is ok" etc.
Also, what do you deserve?
(sorry, but you asked for friends, and these are things I would say to my RL friends). x

Well first of all I think you need to get out and make some friends. Take up a class, Zumba or something, or there's a couple of Apps. Meetup is good as you join your local group and often they go out and do interesting things. There's also a female friendship app called Vina.

As for your marriage, there's no trust and you not speaking to him for a week isn't good, what an atmosphere for your children to be around. I would strongly suggest councelling, for yourself as you do sound like you need someone to talk to, but possibly for you and your husband if you do think you want to try save the marriage but he has to want to too.

Thanks for all the great advice. I know in my heart of hearts what I need to do. It's just so hard to get there.
I do need to meet people. I think at the minimum I need some time away from him. I live about a 45 min drive for my parents. I don't drive myself and all I think is how do I get what I own. What the kids own out of this house and away from him. It's country buses and I have to travel out to the city to get come back on myself to get to my parents. He's the one who picked this house. We rent. I think now he did on purpose.
Unfortunately I have to see the week out as it's half term and i've got his other son to watch while he works. I have the week off.