Married to man with bi polar 2, anyone else?

[somewhatavoidant]

My dh was diagnosed with bi polar 2 around 6 years ago. We are together 23 years. We have one ds almost 9. Since the diagnosis it has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. Whilst it's terrible to see him depressed, I find dealing with the "highs" increasingly difficult. He's on medication and is under the care of a psychiatrist who we see regularly enough. I don't think the meds are quite right yet. But oh dear, there are so many issues as a result. Just wondering if anyone out there is in the same boat? Tomorrow we are going to relationship therapy at his insistence. Half afraid and half looking forward to the opportunity to talk in a safe environment as he can be so temperamental and defensive while apparently my "pmt" is a real issue for him. I'd call it getting to the end of my fucking tether rather than PMT but there ya go!

Not personally, but my friend's DH has it. She has been with him 25 years, but has really struggled with him lately. She's at the end of her tether too. They had a baby about five years ago, that seemed to amplify problems.

Yes! Though I have to say we are now separated.

It took 10 years to get to this diagnosis. 10 years of major depression, hypomania, almost successful suicide attempt, mania delusional totally psychotic.

Yes he also said and implied I was the flaky, always depressed one. It was so so so stressful.

Since he was last sectioned, got this diagnosis, is on anti psychotics he has been stable (with on going weekly private therapy).

I also found the highs sooo much harder to deal with. He was not a nice person to be around. He spent lots of our money. Me and the dcs used to have to "turn down the volume on daddy " when he was hypomanic.

I really feel for you. It can take a while to get medication right. Ex is on quetiapine (refused to take sodium valporate too as requested by psychiatrist when last sectioned). He occasionally talks about reducing it and I loose the plot.

For me it's better living separately.

Jeez colouringpro, that sounds tough. I take it he is bi polar 1? DH is in a hypomanic state since early March. He has been worse and I think he's trying very hard to control it. His behaviour is so erratic, it's driving me crazy.

For example; Yesterday morning I dropped him to collect his car at 10.30am. I asked was he coming home. (Our ds was at home (with a friend) running a temperature) I don't know he said. He called at 2 to say he was going to a local hotel to watch the golf. After I texted appealing for support and help with ds, he arrived home at 8, then spent the evening in and out from the kitchen, up & down like a jack in the box. I went to bed at 11.30 and left him yapping on the phone till all hours, then he slept on the kitchen floor for a few hours.

None of the above sounds so awful when I read it back but it's now normal for him to sleep in his clothes on the sofa or on the floor. He also sometimes goes around like a hobo. I even advised him yesterday not to go into his work cos he smelled really bad. He ignored my advice, I cringe at the thoughts of the impression he gave to his staff or worse, customers!

His unstable behaviour day after day is causing me serious anxiety and heart ache. To be then told that I'm the problem is just so hurtful.

Anyways thanks for reading, I've made an appointment with my own counsellor for the first time in a day or two so hopefully that will help.

I'm going to try to talk to him about adjusting the meds (as per the Psychiatrists suggestion). I'm convinced getting him down a bit is the only option.

OP that's sounds seriously stressful. And he's definitely not stable, or well managed.

If you haven't already I'd start making notes about your dh's behaviour to take to his next psychiatrist appointment. You have to be quite assertive to get your voice heard but it's really important. Even better write a letter to his psych expressing your concerns about his health. Letters are alway kept on file.

When was his last and next psychiatrist appointment?

What's meds is he on?

Hi yes, my husband was diagnosed with Type II last year. No one knows except me. You would never know if you met him, he functions day to day absolutely fine. He doesn't get the manic highs, more like the depression becomes less bad. The worst part for me is he lies awake at night thinking about killing himself and has many intrusive thoughts and visions, where he sees himself hanging. I worry that one day our life together won't be enough to keep him going.
He is not on the right medication, but we live in a country where the MH care is poor and badly managed, so he refuses to see a psychiatrist to get it altered. He struggles with the idea of being a drug addict, or taking it for the rest of his life.

I'm hoping for a miracle basically!

You are a fucking saint. My brother is no polar and has ruined every thing. I know people who have MH disorders suffer, I really do, but FML it is shit and if I was married to a man like him I would be beside myself.

Dreaming

Nnnnnnnineteen

for you OP. It's incredibly tough.

My ex has bi polar but refused help. I have to admit I left in the end because I could not handle it. He was incredibly emotionally abusive and I believe it was because of his condition and the fact he refused help with it.

The constant blaming of others for his own actions (usually me), gas lighting, up and down mood swings and completely irrational behavior was too much for me. It was as though it was impossible to get him to think logically about anything.

Like you mentioned, his personal hygiene took a huge hit as well. He would often not shower for over a week and go into work (when he hadn't lost his job that month) stinking to high heaven but he didn't care.

In his manic phase he would tell me how he was leaving to go travelling and it was all my fault that he'd been held back from doing it before. He'd quit jobs left right and centre etc... He never went but that was also my fault because he'd feel to guilty leaving me. In reality I was thinking 'please let him mean it this time and just go!'

It made it worse that he insisted on 'managing it' himself without the need for meds or interference from a doctor. Basically it just meant he did absolutely nothing to help himself and I was left shouldering the side effects which lead to my own mental health taking a huge downward turn.

I really do wish you the best, it's really hard. Please speak to someone yourself as well. You need space for you as well.

Thanks for all replies. Since my initial post the other day, we have been to couples therapy & I went for individual counselling today. It really helped. It’s one day at a time stuff at the moment. He’s a pain in the arse when he’s like this but he’s basically a great guy. I do love him still despite it all.
His meds are not right yet, that’s for sure. Psych appointment in 3 weeks time. I always go with him.
Thanks again for support, it really helps xxx

Did you used to find the "highs" more attractive though? Is this part of what attracted you to him initially?

Strange question Scott72. As per my op, we are together 23 years. He was diagnosed 6 years ago after his first depression episode. So, no.

My DW has bipolar (in all honesty I can’t remember which type) and she’s just starting to come out of a depressive cycle that started about a year ago.

It’s bloody hard, and incredibly lonely. She gets very withdrawn and insular and obsessive. At the last psych appointment it was decided to try Lamotrigine to see if that will stabilise her. She had a nervous breakdown in 2008, then spent nearly 4 years manic until they got her meds sorted but they stopped working (abilify). She went off that and onto Quetiapine (so?) for anxiety about a year ago and then at the beginning of this year the lamotigine was added in. We’ve been together for 13 years and the longest she was ever stable on one medication was 2 years.

We’ve given up trying to keep her moods level and are trying to achieve a medium level of mania as thats so much easier for her (and me) to deal with.

It’s been a bloody roller coaster of a ride - she’s had a diagnosis of bipolar and panic disorder since I’ve known her but in that time they’ve added in physical Tourette’s, schizoaffective disorder and epilepsy (that’s non responsive to seizure meds, hence now trying lamotrigine).

I sometimes look at my life and think what the hell am I doing but I know the good times far outwetthe bad times. We’re also very lucky that she doesn’t suffer from suicidal or self harming urges.

Don’t neglect your own health though, physical, mental or emotional. I’ve had back troubles in and off for the past few years but haven’t had the time to look after myself properly.

You must be a very special person maitlandgirl to deal with all of that. You must love her very much. I am very fortunate in many ways and still love DH very much. My therapist has suggested CBT to help manage my anxiety (only happens when he’s manic). I’m going to give that a try & see how the next few weeks go before his next psych appointment.
Does her mania make you anxious?

I do love her a lot, it’s corny but she’s genuinely my other half.

The problem with mental health diagnosis is that once you’ve got one it’s quite likely to get others as the diagnosis becomes more specific and less general

The mania doesn’t make me anxious as it’s something we’ve lived with for years. We have safeguards in place (mostly relating to spending) to reduce any issues and I find it so much easier to deal with than the depression. I’m a planner by nature and I can’t do anything about the depression but the mania can be channeled into productivity and good experiences. DW says she prefers the mania, despite the constant noise in her head and the racing thoughts as the depression leaves her feeling numb but with a head full of noise.

I really admire your attitude Maitlandgirl. I continue to try to deal with the situation as best I can. At least there are breaks between dh’s Episodes where I/we can relax and forget about it all.