DH hidden huge debt - what would you do?

[muminapanic]

I need some help - I've just discovered that DH has hidden a huge amount of debt (65k) and we may have to sell our house to release the equity - it also means he'll have to enter into an IVA which means a severly restricted income for the next 3 years. The worst thing is he's hidden this from me - I approached him after opening some letters. We'd already been in relationship copunselling last year and I think that this is the last straw and after the deceipt I should leave but I can't help feeling a should stay for sake of DS. Can anyone give me any advice??

Am not sure of all of what I say but try not to panic! First of all he needs to see a CAB person to advice him what to do. I don't think getting and IVA means you have to sell your house. I know someone who has done it and they didn't have to. Also because it was his debt and not his partners she is not affected IYSWIM. Do you work? As hopefully any of your earnings wouldn't be affected. From what DP says he has a reasonably healthy allowance for fags(!), food and petrol.

We're in huge debt too as I have a squandering DP. He's never hidden it from me to the extent your DH has although extracting confessions about loans and credit cards has not always been straightforward, and DP hasn't always been honest. It is mainly because he is ashamed, as I am sure your DH is. I can't advise you on your relationship though, as it sounds as though you have had long term problems. Perhaps having those problems meant he wasn't honest with you earlier

Thanks for that - unfortunately because we're in scotland it's not exactly an IVA, it's a trust deed and because we have equity in our house his creditors will require that we release it - the only other option is for me to remortgage and buy him out which I don't know if we could afford to do - I guess it's more the lies and deceipt - having asked him straight out he still didn't tell the truth..

Can you go and see CAB or an independant financial adviser? We're hoping to get a home owner loan which isn't ideal but sorts us out for the time being.

Thanks - I think I needed someone to put it that clearly as that's exactly my dilemma. What's made it worse is that i live my life and control my finances to avoid debt and was actually feeling as though life was getting comfortable and had been making plans about extending our house and now I feel very let down and awkward about having to tell friends and family that these plans aren't going forward. I guess it's still a bit raw at the moment and I don't want to make any decisions I'll regret but at the moment i don't think I want our marriage to continue and that's a scarey thought....

DH is not good with money, luckily he also cant lie.

We have had issues, but really he hasn't changed that much just that he now earns more money. I haven't found the answer to it, but he totally fails to see that if you don't have it you shouldn't spend it.

I suspect the answer is counselling as it is definitely a black hole in his brain which he is unable to control.

No answers but you are not alone. Thinking of you.