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Original poster

Tight as a duck's or not?

56 replies

Annteeta · 15/04/2019 19:24

My partner is retired and I work full-time. I've been seeing him for over 3 years. he lives with his sister 50 miles away although he owns a house 200 miles away. I see him at weekends mostly but sometimes he stays longer. he was ill over Christmas and stayed for 2 months. he's quite well off (he was an engineer in Oil and Gas). I have a modest income and I still have a mortgage. the thing is he's very frugal. he doesn't run a car and spends nothing on himself or me. he contributes towards the food bill (which he eats) but nothing else. he's not paying his sister anything either because he helps her son do various jobs in his own business and around the house. he surprised me about a year ago when he paid for a 2nd hand car for me. I feel that he is now clawing it back though by living at my house for free and not paying for other things e.g. a holiday from last year and a few things I've bought online for him. I chauffeur him round too. I feel like he's throwing me crumbs in relationship terms but he'll use the car purchase as a counter-argument. am I being unfair?

OP posts:
WindypopsWendy · 16/04/2019 13:04

So yes, tights as a ducks arse...and that’s watertight!

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 16/04/2019 13:23

Dump him OP

Original poster
Annteeta · 16/04/2019 13:46

I paid for the holiday because I booked it online. As mentioned, he only pays cash for everything but he never got round to paying me for the holiday and still hasn't... even though I've asked him a few times. he said to me a while ago that he likes our holidays but not to forget he has no income. when I asked him about having a pension he got irritated. If he has no income that's his fault he shouldn't have given up work. I know he's got money and pension funds and a property in the UK and half a house in Australia. he's certainly not hard up and much better off than me.

OP posts:
Happynow001 · 16/04/2019 13:48

He sounds incredibly mean both in spirit and financially. He is keeping tabs, with both you and his sister, of what he's provided and what is due back to him.

In your shoes I'd prefer to be alone than having someone in my life who had so little generosity of spirit.

If he owes you for the holiday (and I'm unsure why he hasn't already paid his part of the finances) then do as another PP has suggested and sell the car - which hopefully is registered in your name? Give him any money left over after taking the cost of his holiday and show him out of your life. If there's a shortfall then write that off and him with it. Don't forget to cancel the insurance.

Good luck OP.

Bananalanacake · 16/04/2019 13:57

do you know if he rents out his property in the UK as he should get an income from that.

ilikebeckerinmyoldage · 16/04/2019 14:03

No income? Confused I mean he's not living on air is he.

Get rid op, he's tighter than a ducks ass.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 16/04/2019 14:24

What Annasgirl said. OP, you've been effectively paying to service this man under pretext of having a boyfriend. WTAF? He's fucking dire. You don't owe him a fucking thing. Is he still sponging off you in your house? Dump him back at his sister's. He brings up the car, say, well, you understand since you don't have income and never paid me for the holiday. Bye! No income, my arse.

Get some boundaries. This one's a leech.

Holidayshopping · 16/04/2019 14:30

he likes our holidays but not to forget he has no income. when I asked him about having a pension he got irritated.

Do you know that he has a good pension? How old is he?

I wonder if his sister is happy with him living there!?

WindypopsWendy · 16/04/2019 14:40

The oil and gas industry did have lean times recently and quite a lot of the old boys took redundancy/early retirement. However, i would eat my hat if his disposable income were not higher than yours or his sister (not that he would ever tell you!)

I don’t think the situation will get any better. The “you pay for stuff online as I only use cash” is an excuse not to put his hand in his wallet.

EngagedAgain · 16/04/2019 14:43

What are you getting out of this relationship? Sorry not rtft, but the little bit I did and one comment about it being a miserable existence. I doubt it will get any better, he's probably too set in his ways now. And yes, definitely tight fisted.

WindypopsWendy · 16/04/2019 15:03

Incidentally he pays for his food but does he ever cook any meals or does he just assume “pampered guest” status?

RandomMess · 16/04/2019 15:07

Sell the car give him the money less what he owes you for the holiday 🤷🏽‍♀️

butteryellow · 16/04/2019 15:34

Life is too short for this.

I would give both my big toes that he has a little list of what he's spent, and estimates of what he's had you pay for, and is balancing it all out.

In relationships with people like this, give no more than you want, and assume that you'll get nothing in return. He's going to see everything as a transaction, and you need to decide for yourself how you feel about it, and what you're prepared to put in on the assumption you'll get nothing back in return.

Original poster
Annteeta · 16/04/2019 16:00

He won't talk about his pension he says he's not drawing any pension but he did say he has pension funds once. UK property has been alternately either empty or daughter was in it for a while. I think he may be subsidising her while she was studying even though she's almost middle-aged she doesn't seem to have ever really had a job. He cooks occasionally but much prefers to be waited on like Little Lord Fauntleroy.

OP posts:
Boysey45 · 16/04/2019 16:12

What are you doing OP? you need to tell him its over. If he says he wants the car back, tell him you will sell it and and reclaim the money he owes you off it.
Hes bleeding you dry.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 16/04/2019 16:27

Oh, FFS, get shot of him. Get a life! Why are you waiting on this dipshit? As for his lack of ejaculation, that's his issue to sort, not for you to second guess, he's an adult.

On second thought, sell the car, deduct his share of what he owes for the holiday and DUMP.

I'd actually dump him now and then tell him you're selling hte car.

Is he still mooching in your house?

BingandFlop2019 · 16/04/2019 18:19

He's rubbing his hands together here.....

Unburnished · 16/04/2019 18:31

But a pension is designed to be an income when you retire. He’s made a choice not to draw on it (and live off other people instead). How does he find all this cash he uses if not from income or pension?

Was he always like this OP?

Have you been to his house (in this country)?

Original poster
Annteeta · 16/04/2019 18:54

He's living off savings. Yes I've been to his house. Yes he's always been like this.

OP posts:
NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 16/04/2019 19:03

Well, he found the right mug in you and his sister. As long as he's allowed to, he will continue to mooch. This is who he is, a user.

BlokeHereInPeace · 16/04/2019 19:42

After 3 years, if you can't talk about this, then there is no hope in the relationship. So talk, and make a decision, or get rid.

Tightness is horrible. Don't go on holidays you can't afford, fella.

Boilerbap · 16/04/2019 19:48

Ah no, he is definitely tight. Previously I wasn't convinced with the initial information

Rollindowntheroad · 16/04/2019 19:57

Hi OP I had to stop by as my dad was an oil and gas engineer and you just described him! Are you sure this is not him (just kidding he is settled). DP spent his life working on contracts, the industry is up and down, he started as a draftsman from the bottom up, worked hard for his money and wanted to have enough to see him through. Actually quite basic pension due to the contracts and his money sucking daughter to whom he gave a sizeable deposit. The most generous person you will ever meet in terms of sharing what he has. Never spends on himself. Crap with cash flow. Why can't he just get insured on the car? What is the tit for tat shit? He bought you a car, you want money for the holiday. I think he may be showing love through gifts? Do you like him?

Original poster
Annteeta · 16/04/2019 21:20

Money through gifts? That's the weird thing he doesn't buy gifts not birthday presents, Valentines or anything much. The only things he's bought me are a carbon monoxide detector, an old handbag of his sisters, and an old stained tea cosy that belonged to his sister's deceased mother-in-law. Yes, sounds like a comedy sketch but it's true. He is insured on the car by the way he just doesn't really want to drive it. why should he?

OP posts:
SouthernComforts · 16/04/2019 21:41

Why are you with him?

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