If you're in a happy relationship, what does your time together look like?

[MotherOfSuburbia]

I've been with my other half for 18 years. We have 5 DC together. I love him very deeply and believe he loves me.
We both work full time. His work means he is away during the week a lot of the time. With so many kids and the fact I work a lot once they go to bed, we don't spend a lot of time together. Because we started our family so soon after getting together, this has always been the case.
I would really like to be closer, to enjoy our time together more as a couple, even though those opportunities are few and far between. It just feels a bit like we're not sure how to do it! We mostly just get on with our own thing when we're both in. I know how busy he is so I like to give him some space to decompress. We get along fine and have little chats about our day but there's no real shared experience (other than discussing the kids) if that makes any sense.
So I would just like to get some perspective on what's normal. If you're in a happy but busy relationship, how do you enjoy spending time with your partner? Or is it completely normal to live parallel lives?

Well my set up is different as I see my partner of two years when the kids are at their dads, so that's a weekend each fortnight. We spend it like teenagers lounging in bed, watching dvds, drinking tea, pottering round town, going to pub or curry...

When I was at my happiest in my marriage of 20 odd years we didnt do much together and tbh it eventually was a contributing factor tonus ultimately drifting apart. If I could go back I'd find something for us to do together. We were companiable in our parallel lives and happy enough, I think it's a normal state of affairs but like I say, it made it easier to drift but we had other issues too.

I’ve only been with my husband 7 years but we are often apart due to work, so when we are together we try to:

Enjoy morning lie ins with baby and dog in our bed, cup of tea and a cuddle / play with everyone.

He often tries to cuddle / dance with me when I’m cooking any meal after I told him I was fed up being in one room and he’s in another

We go for random walks and drives with no phones being used

He loves shopping so I make an effort to go with him

Days out to different places

It’s really hard as I feel sometimes I’ve got a routine which he messes up, and he won’t always help which can cause distance. So now I just tell him that I need him to be involved and he usually will snap back into our lives.

Small chances make a difference, try and have a chat in bed to start but talk about something you wouldn’t usually maybe an interest of his?

We have 4 children (from 4 to 14) and have been together 22 years. The difference is I don't work, so we are not as busy as you. However all our children are very sporty and we spend from 6pm-9pm most nights and every weekend morning ferrying between sports practice and matches etc.

Our very favourite couple time is during the school day. We love it when DH has a day off while the children are at school and we get to spend time together without the children. Sometimes we don't do much with the day, just chill together. Other times we go for breakfast or lunch together, or have a day out.

I wouldn't say we live parallel lives - that suggests (to me) two separates going the same direction. If I was to encapsulate our life into one phrase it would be that we are two halves of one whole. We work together, often unconsciously, to make our family life work. We are always busy tho.

We're retired and generally spend our evenings together, which is lovely. It's very rare that one of us is out at night and that will always be me!!
During the day rarely we'll be at home together but if we are we'll be doing separate things, gardening, reading, cooking etc. We pursue our own interests - me - seeing my girlfriends, shopping, gardening, reading, volunteering. Him - walking and volunteering - he mows the grass and does the house DIY too. We have the occasional day out together - more lately as we're exploring the area we are moving to in the summer!
All this works for us. Neither of us would want to live in each other's pockets. Healthy separation sometimes is good.

I agree that it's not healthy to live in each others' pockets but I feel like we've probably gone too far the other way. Maybe it's just this stage in our lives when everything is very naturally focused on the kids. I think I just worry that in 10 years time when it's finally 'our' time, we won't know each other any more.

We've been married 26 years, one DS who's 21. I work 66 hours a week Monday - Friday, DW works 50 hours a week Tuesday - Saturday, these times include our commutes. We see each other Thursday, Friday and Saturday night and all day Sunday. We try to go out for a quick casual night on Friday, and something more meaningful on Saturday night, but it all depends on how DW is feeling when she gets home from work as she works outside in a physically depending environment. With only 1 child we made it a priority to pour into each other while raising DS, and not lose sight of each other. With you having 5 DC it will definitely be more difficult, but you 2 will have to make it a concerted effort to remember each other. Otherwise like you said in 10 -15 years you 2 could easily become strangers to each other

I have 7 children though they range from adults to newborn...my husband and I cuddle up together a lot (when nobody else needs one lol), have cuppas together with crossword or chatting, go on walls together...he is my best friend so we simply like each other’s company and try to get as much as possible. We work as a team in the house to make the family run smoothly to give us more ‘us’ time so even when he was working really long mixed shifts if he was at home I’d cook/he’d wash up, or he’d run the hoover round so we could both sit down with said cuppas for a few minutes!!

My husband and I could be accused of living in one another’s pockets... but we wouldn’t have it any other way.
DH and I have been together since we were 16. We are 39 now. We have exactly the same job, so work the same hours and have the same holidays.
Neither of us have many friends outside of our relationship. We are best buddies as well as husband and wife.
During the weekday evenings we will go for walks or drives together and talk about our day. We’ll watch some TV, go to the gym together or share a bag of pistachios...yum.
On the weekend we’ll go shopping in the city, go for lunch, walk around our local lake. We will watch a movie on Saturday evening or sometimes cook together.
During the holidays we tend to travel, mostly to the USA and the Caribbean. We go for 5 or 6 weeks at a time. Sometimes we travel over Christmas, Halloween and Easter too. If we stay in the UK we travel to the mountains or the beach. We love nature and being outside. We take picnics and go for sexy weekend breaks.
I never tire of my husbands company. He’s hilarious and we spend a lot of time laughing.
DH sends me romantic texts every day. Sometimes cheeky ones ;)
We hug, kiss and say ‘I love you’ all the time. We are mostly silly and will chase each other around the house trying to bite one another...especially if one of us is going up the stairs!
We both have the same music taste, fascination with a particular animal and interest in our home and how we live. Neither of us drink or smoke and we share values.

If I come across as bragging I apologise.
I believe that I am very, very fortunate and thank my lucky stars every day.

I’m just butting in to say I love reading all of these little snippets of your lives with your partners!

One or other of us is often away during the week. My husband also needs downtime when he gets in but we do make an effort now the children are flitting and flying.
We always go to church together.
We have retained our shared sense of humour and consciously select television programmes rather than just watch whatever is on.
We walk the dog in beautiful places like across the Downs and go for coffee afterwards.
The children still occupy shared thoughts and plans. As do parents.
We have meals with friends most weekends and go to cinema about once a month.
Holidays we do a variety of things. We have a boat in France that needs us to work in partnership to move it safely. We walk and swim in the Lakes. I join him on his work trips abroad. We swim a lot outside and have weekends away sometimes.
When we are both working in London and away overnight, we plan date nights. Corny but fun. Theatre trips, nice restaurants, walks along the Thames or through St James Park etc.
We also (rather shockingly) succumbed to a hot tub. It’s better than drugs for bad joints/stress or other ills and is a brilliant resource for conversations. It’s impossible to be angry when wallowing in warm bubbles.

We got together when each of our youngest DC were teens, so had it much easier than those with young DC. (We have split up now due to wanting different things - he wanted to move closer to family in London, I was adamant to stay in the North!)

I used to work full time and freelanced on top of that, so would get up at 5.30 every morning and do a bit of work from home. Then I'd take him up a cuppa around 7am, have a cuddle and a quick shag, then off to work.

At the weekends we'd have a lie in aka marathon shagging session, often not getting up til 2pm.

We went for walks a lot - I don't think he ever really got the point of this, but it was something I really enjoyed so he went along with it. The flipside was I went along with visiting his family even though I have social anxiety and was often tempted to say "I've got too much work, go on your own." It was important to him that I created bonds with his family, so I did. (In fact when we split up I really missed them!)

There were several TV shows that we both really enjoyed and watched together every week. Equally there were some he watched and I didn't like, so when those were on he watched them and I sat next to him reading books on my Kindle.

Maybe every 3 months or so we would treat ourselves to a "posh" meal out, sometimes with our respective DC, sometimes not.

Having said all the above - apart from the sex, most of these points could be achieved from a friendship.

We’re both really busy with our own lives, sports & DC as well as GC but, always put aside an evening together during the week just for us.
We also made a pact more than 30 years ago, never to cook or eat in on a Saturday night and still do that, to this day.

I could never be in a Velcro relationship where you become a joint entity rather than retain your own identity

We have very young children so often we are together with them all or splitting up to manage the teamwork to get everything done. We end up spending a lot of time together but the kids are there too.

I believe strongly in one to one time with each person in the family at times. Probably once every year to six months at the moment. We have little support and both work. Can't really afford babysitters and kids too young really. Anyway, once in a while (maybe once every year) we will plan a lunch together when we would usually be working. We take our time to find a new restaurant or something. Food is quite a big deal to us so this is really fun for us. I do have to ensure this though. He once suggested we went on our 10th anniversary date with all the family! I teasingly pointed out I thought it was ok if we did this on our own! It is a symptom of how family life takes over our thinking. Anyway, I see our dates as an investment in our relationship for when the kids are grown, so we remember how to do the couple thing!

We also watch box sets together, so wait for each other in the evenings to watch stuff. I can often only manage once a week! But it's still something.

Other than that we catch up at least once during the day even if only by text. Or just to say I'm leaving work now I'll be home at 7.30 or whatever.

That, plus taking time to really listen, have a joke together and having each other's back goes a really long way.

We also have 5 DC. The main thing I noticed from this relationship to previous where I was more unhappy is that we are together when we are in the house. If I am washing up, he is smoking chatting to me at the back door. If he has come home from work I sit in the bathroom and chat to him. We are always together when in the house. Also if I have a little problem during the day he rings me and talks about it. My ex-H and I didn’t call during the day. X

My husband and I probably have quite an unusual set up as we work together mon-fri 8-6 so when it cones to quality time away from work it’s few and far between. We sort of go out seperate ways at the weekend as we need a break.
But we do make the effort a couple of times a week to cook together and have a meal for just the two of us. We watch a lot of films together, and on the off chance a family member comes to stay, we will go out.
You don’t have to do anything major, and it doesn’t have to be timetabled in, just having a cuddle on the sofa is precious

We cook together, watch films, go walking on the standard work day.

Ds goes to his dads EOW so that gives us chance to go to the pub or for a grown up meal, weekends away, catch up on jobs at home/garden, cinema etc. When ds is home we do more family orientated stuff.

I love my time with dp, sounds corny but he's like my best friend as well as partner.

Oohhh I love these kind of posts!! Love getting an insight into other people's lives!

My OH and I have been together 6 years, lived together 5 and are expecting our first DC in July.

We both work full time Monday to Friday, he goes to the gym after work everyday and one weekend day. Our evenings together start about half 8/9pm, depending how hungry I am, dinner will either be cooked or we'll cook together when he gets home.
Depending on what is on TV, either we snuggle and watch TV, or he sits at his pc and I read, we talk on and off about anything and everything.
Weekends we are usually together during the day, housework/decorating/slobbing around just hanging out.
I'm quite social so tend to see my friends on a Saturday night twice a month, where as he is a total introvert and will either stay home with the dog or come with me depending on his mood. Very much dependant on his mood 😂

We are expecting our first baby and have been together 3 years, getting married this year and have lived together for 2 years.
We enjoy walking together, cooking together, we don't have a lot of money so we don't go out for many meals but when we do we go somewhere posh so we can really make the most of it!
We quite like being alone together, so a lot of the time in my tired pregnant state I will lay in bed reading and he will be in the same room playing on the PlayStation when he has the chance, I don't mind because he is so grateful I don't moan about it that he pauses his game and come and gives me a kiss every so often!
I have no idea what life will be like once our little boy is here! I hope we can maintain a good relationship but I know it is hard work once you have a child.

We've not been together anywhere near as long as you OP but we do get a bit of quality time together (some of it with and some without my DS). Off the top of my head, we visit garden centres and have coffee/cake/a wander round, go for walks, watch box sets snuggled on the sofa, go out for dinner/lunch, sit in a pub (or pub garden if sunny) and have a drink/coffee and read the paper, go back to bed during the day, beer or music festival for a day, gardening, see friends, picnic lunch at a park/stately home/gardens type place, cook something nice and sit at the table to eat.

Sunny weather is great for sitting in the garden with a cold drink together and reading the paper with intermittent chatting or doing a BBQ.

Thanks all - so lovely to hear about everything you're up to. Lots of food for thought...