Lies and cheats

[Sweet79]

Having found out through the grape vine that something is a miss and my partner is cheating on me or at least was. In fairness I knew something was up and wondered this (that realization that it can't happen to me, has passed, as has the anger). This is a long relationship over 10 years.
I have found evidence to back this up. After asking very specific questions that I know the answers to and the person lies straight to your face, do you put this down to a bad judgement or just lieing to cover their back?
The evidence I have is very good and damming, do I show what I have?
I love this person a lot but also I will not allow to be lied to, for me this is the ultimate sin.

No reason not to come clean as your not the one lying and cheating are you. If he's straightest lied to cover himself or not is totally irrelevant you have the truth. From experience I can assure you that he will continue to lie until faced with the truth and then still somehow make out it's not all as it seems. So sorry x

So sorry. I hope you realize it's not your fault. It is always the fault of the cheater. No matter what reason they give themselves and you, there's never any excuse. Full-stop. People need to leave the relationship, for good, before doing anything that puts them over the line.

Is the (still) lying more important to you than the cheating? Or just the final straw? You said you're over the anger. Then maybe see a therapist first, as well as get legal advice before confrontation. Legal advice to protect you, and letting an impartial observer listen and give you a little guidance might help you decide what to do.
Whether it was years ago or last week, it still hurts. Good luck. 💜

In Doctor Foster the most important thing to her was not his cheating as such but when she asked him about it and he lied to her face .

This is what your partner is doing to you and he is lying because he wants to continue . 10 years - oh my goodness . That is more than an affair . PS your anger hasn't passed . If only it were that easy .

I’d just walk away to be honest.someone like that doesn’t deserve your brainspace.

I'd tell my partner I knew they were cheating and the relationship is over.

With trust gone, what's the point in carrying on.

I feel so broken inside. I've always tried to help people when they are down and didn't expect this from someone I love.
I feel like I've done something wrong when all I have been is loyal. Worked hard and work, long hours and I get accused that I'm ignoring my relationship. Fine line, if you want nice things and holidays, a small sacrifice occasionally.
Yes, I think I'm still angry inside. Keen not to show my hand to early and give away all of it.
Thanks for your kind words.

I think the lies and cheating is irrelevent..it doesn;t matter why...its the fact that he did and broke something you valued.Lies and cheating also equals lack of trust and complete disrespect.I am sorry you are going through this but sometimes when our dreams shatter they can;t be put back together and are best left....You will come through this in time x

That’s awful for you, it must be hard trying to maintain some normality when you have evidence. Personally the trust would be gone for me

What do you want the outcome to be?

Work backwards from that.

I'm saying this because I was VERY angry with my DH last weekend about something he did. But during the argument he made a comment which has made me more angry than the initial 'thing'.

So I would urge you to be REALLY clear in your mind. If you feel what's happened is a dealbreaker in your relationship, then whether it's lies or the actual thing doesn't matter too much (I don't think). You can pick either or both. IF you're prepared to overlook the cheating but can't overlook the lying, then tell him that clearly.