DM's partner behaved inappropriately towards me

[Longolddaytoday]

Was years ago but over a period of months, years even. He even sent me bloody porn. I was in my twenties so no excuse for not exposing him, was just clinically depressed at the time and didn't trust my mother not to take his side (long story, she has shit taste in men). Thought I was cool with him still being around but the grief is still with me. I bloody trusted him.

Firstly get counselling, you seem to be carrying an element of blame and you really shouldn't.

If you want to expose him now, then you can, it's NEVER to late!

do you still have the evidence. if he is still around confront him. Also as said above get counselling. Its never too late to report.

Thank you, both. I do feel guilty. I just acted like a rabbit in car headlights and hoped it would all go away if I didn't believe it was happening. I deleted everything because it made me feel sick. He's thoroughly enmeshed in my family now (just got made godfather to my sibling's kid). I feel like I've lost my family after all.

I feel for you, that's awful watching him entwined in your family. The sibling whose child he's godfather too, are they male or female?

Male sibling. He's a bit oblivious really. I couldn't talk to him - he likes to have his head in the sand.

I guessed it would be male, do you have any sisters?

No sisters. We're a small family. I still see my father but he wouldn't want to deal with it either.

Do you have a partner who would support you?

No partner (single mum). I have a couple of close friends who know some of it.

@Longolddaytoday you really need to access counselling, do you wish to reduce contact with your family?

Honest answer is that I don't know. My DB and I aren't close anymore and I'm angry with my DM. Maybe unfairly. I tried to tell her though. I rang her in tears one time and said someone had upset me, but I didn't get further because her immediate response was to start saying that she was worried about my mental health. I think it's just a reflex with her to dismiss how I feel about stuff, but there's 0.001 per cent of me that will always wonder if she suspected on one level what I would say. She must have noticed when I started tying myself in knots to avoid being alone with him.

That's awful, I'm sorry.

Looking back, did his inapproriate behaviour start when you were still living at home?

The Stately Homes thread on this Relationship board could probably help you.

I wasn't living at home but I was coming back a lot at weekends (DM would have been upset if I hadn't). He started texting me a lot at work too - just weird stuff - and he would get angry if I didn't reply fast enough or if I tried to ignore part of a text because it made me uncomfortable.

Could you have a quiet word with him, do you think?