Red Flag

[Dipper753]

sitting on the aeroplane waiting to fly home 7:30 pm I glanced at partners phone & he was WhatsAppin a women I had never heard him mention before. A little bit of digging it turns out she works on his recep at work, and is newish 9m. At the wkend we were laughing about lengths of texts MvF and as he was showing me his bloke ones & I saw her in his WhatsApp again. We both have M&F friends through work etc and he often chats about other F in his office but not this one. I went through his FB posts and I see strarting in December her hearting his posts and the whole time we were away too. Other women he knows do this but I know them or know of them. Around December I found his behaviour to be rude and thoughtless. On more than one occasion he has said he has told me things that he hasn’t so who has he told. I really want to ask him who she & what is going on given these activities with no mention of her ever.. we don’t live together and are both independent with lots of time to pursue our hobbies work etc up until now I never considered he would stray I am being silly or is this a red flag....

Go with your gut feeling. Either do some more digging or ask him outright.

He could leave for someone else. It can happen to anyone. Is there a reason you call him partner but don't live together? Any talk of commitment/marriage on his side?
For peace of mind you could try having an honest discussion with him. Perhaps without mentioning her. Just where he is at and does he feel happy? Get it out there.

...a red flag that he doesn't mention someone he works with? No.

Sounds like you are making a mountain out of a molehill tbh.

I mean I'm all for trusting your gut but this seems a bit much...but it may be that you just cant explain it fully to us.

That aside, If you aren't happy with him texting some woman you don't even know, tell him. Set the boundary of meeting this person and her becoming a mutual friend OR him dialling back contact with her to a professional level only. It isn't like she is a close friend so that should be a fair ask, considering you clearly aren't comfortable with it.

As for the whole telling you he said something and then denying it ect...be careful as this could be gaslighting. Has he shown any other ...innapropriate traits?

Anyway, if you aren't comfortable with something, you have to tell him otherwise it can't be worked out. And if he doesn't want to work it out, then that's a problem.

Time to talk. If you don't live together (unless mitigating factors like children) that's a red flag after a certain time

Thanks all. I am suspicious of this individual given their name hasn’t never been mentioned which I feel is the red flag as it is in contrary to all other friends mutual and independent. I will have a chat this week.