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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Moving on when still have mutual friends ...

3 replies

Sunshineafterthestorm · 14/04/2019 13:03

Wasn’t sure what to title this. In short one of my best friends is engaged to one of my STBXH best friends. Met ex husband through friend and her fiancé 12 years ago. Divorce is due to complete soon, we broke up a year ago.. he come home one day and just told me he didn’t love me anymore and that was it.. 11 years and a marriage over.

I’ve spent the last year rebuilding myself and I’m in a good place, I’ve bought him out the property, I’m happy and I’ve accepted the relationship is over and I don’t want him back.

We had a big friendship group (we are all late 20s/early 30’s so did quite a lot socially) which I’ve pulled myself away from but as said above my best friend is engaged to one his friends so that connection is one I don’t want to cut off.

Ex has moved on and living with someone else, I’ve recently started seeing someone and so far things are going well, he is lovely and makes me very happy but I’m taking things very slow as I’m scared of getting hurt again.

One thing that is bothering me is that my friend and her fiancé seem to constantly mention my ex, I’ve told them I have no interest in talking about him or knowing what he’s doing but they always manage to say in conversation that he is doing X or Y.. things I really don’t need to know and have no interest in knowing. I also find my friend reminding me things that the STBXH did.. good and bad and I just can’t understand why. Comments also get made about the new guy I’m seeing and how he seems so different to my ex (they met him for about 10 minutes when he picked me up from an event we were at)..

I don’t want to end the friendship at all, I love her dearly but just wondered if anyone had any suggestions or advice?

OP posts:
ppppppickupapenguin · 14/04/2019 14:09

She is being insensitive, you’ve told her you don’t want to know what he’s up to yet she ignores you and tells you anyway. Have you expressed that it really bothers you that she does this? If you have and she does it regardless, I would question if she is that good a friend to you.

Seeleyboo · 14/04/2019 14:33

I walked away from all my connections. Didn't want to hear about their life and vice versa. Who knows what they're being told about me if i hear every thing about them. I made new friends and slowly dwindled away from them all.

Sunshineafterthestorm · 14/04/2019 15:57

@ppppppickupapenguin Thank you for your reply, interesting as my dad says the same as you. I have said I don’t want to know but it’s like she can’t help but tell me and dampen my positive vibes.. I’ll keep an eye on things closely I think and say again I don’t want to know

@seeleyboo Glad you were able to do that, I have made some new friends and distance myself as much as I can from his but she was and still is one of my best friends, just so hard! Thank you for your reply x

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