When did you know you weren't in love anymore?

[NewHouseFreshStart10]

Just that really..

We have some amazing, amazing times together and he is kind, caring, funny, romantic, everything I could want in someone, he is my first love and in my gut I know I would never want to be without him.

I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling.. just like I'm ticking along and life is passing me by a bit, we follow such a routine (concerting kids and dogs mainly) that I feel like we don't have a minute to spare unless pre planned long before. We used to be spontaneous and have loads of fun but it seems to have all stopped and life is one big schedule.

Is it normal to feel a bit like this sometimes? and should I speak to DP about this?

Yes it’s normal and yes you can overcome it.
How old are your children? Can you get a babysitter and surprise him with a night out? Or plan a night out together?
Life changes as circumstances change - but it doesn’t have to be worse. It’s just different.
I had friends who when their babies were little used to plan elaborate come dine with me competitions just for themselves- it kind of kept things alive in those difficult baby years. Could you do something similar that would make you giggle together?

I was in a 20yr relationship - everything nice and stable, best friends, but the 'spark' had gone. I knew that it was over when I started wishing that he would fall in love with someone else or have an affair - so that it could end. Also when came across someone else that I really wanted, it bought home to me that I didn't feel like this about him, and although I once had, I knew that I never would again. It's a sad thing to happen, but needs addressing.

pockledigg your post above really resonates with me. 20yr relationship with a lovely kind man who really cares. But for me, the spark has gone. We are like house mates and I find myself wishing he would meet someone else so that we could end it. I know I need to address it (and I posted on mumsnet a few weeks ago about it) but I keep stalling as it will be completely out of the blue for him as we’ve never discussed it and I just don’t know where to start.

newhouse whilst I seem unable to follow my own advice I would suggest you speak to your DP. Maybe it is salvageable and you have children and in your words “I know I would never want to be without him” so ask him how he feels and go from there. It’s easier said than done. I go through in my head the words I would use to start the conversation but I keep imagining his face and how upset he would be and I feel
I can’t do that to him. But is living a lie and not being honest fair on my DP and your DP.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Doesn’t sound like you don’t love him it reads like life has become unfulfilling.

Think about things you want to change and tell him. You want to start having experiences both with kids and just him. You want to start doing something different then the norm.

If you start doing all that, and you still feel that something is wrong, then you might have a point.

Thanks all!

I know I still love him, we're not at that point yet. I really believe we need to work harder on our relationship as it has been put on the back burner for the past couple of years due to various reasons. The children are his from his previous marriage (8 and 11) and we have them between 3-5 times a week, the other days are spent working on the house we've recently moved into, seeing my family or seeing his mum (his dad passed last year so she's had a difficult time adjusting recently), and then we have a very demanding dog!
On top of this we found out I couldn't have children last year and this made me shut down for a while, I'm getting better now and his kids are my absolute world as well!

I will speak to him about working harder and spending more quality time together, sometimes it's easier talking to strangers as you get the honest opinion!