50 and missed the boat

[msjasonbourne]

So I've been through a lot of change over the last couple of years. My mum died after a very short illness and that combined with being 50 made me finally leave my husband. I should have done it years ago but he had complicated issues which made leaving diffcult.
I didn't want to get to 60 and feel like I'd wasted my life. My mum had never liked my husband because she felt I'd have a very difficult life with him. She was right. I never had any children of my own, just looked after my husbands. I was always the breadwinner and had to take responsibilty for literally everything. My husband would never do anything he didn't want to do, so I went to out on my own. Basicially I had my own life becuase he refused to do so many things.
I've had a mad year, bought a house, go out alot, had a thing for someone which was unreturned because of my age. Had a FB thing with someone which started because he came onto me when I was uninterested but by the time I was interested he had a gf. It's carried on for about 9 months, every few weeks we get together but then avoid each other for a while. We had amazing sex, the best we've both every had but he's clear he doesn't want a relationship with me. He's alot younger than me and divorced. But we continue to be drawn to each other. Not helped by working together. We sit close enough to watch each other across the room.
I've thought about OLD. I'm look and act much younger than my age so am not interested in men in their 50s. But I can't lie about my age so get messaged by men in their 50s or older. The nail in the coffin for me was being messaged by someone of 64.
Last night I told the FB that unless we were in a relationship I couldn't continue with what we were doing. So we had one last time together. He has the GF but I have no one so it doesn't help me if we carry on. It was amazing as usual and I know I've done the right thing for my mental health.
But I feel very down. I feel like I stayed too long in my marriage and now I've missed the boat for meeting someone new. I have a nice life, good job, nice house, good friends, lots of opportunities to go out so I know I should be content with just that. But I don't want to be on my own forever. I was lonely in my marriage, I want someone to go out with, go away for weekends with, and I think I've left it too late. My friends all tell me I'll meet someone but I know they only say it to make me feel better.
Have others felt like this? And when does it get better?

There must be 50 yr old men with a bit of get up and go left in them, I refuse to believe there aren't.

Why don't you try being on your own a while to work on your self-esteem. You've been seeing a younger man who already has a girlfriend so was cheating on her so he's no catch yet you think he is as you asked him to be with you instead. The only one I feel sorry for is the GF.

Why do you need a partner when you have so many things in your life already !!!

You can meet someone at any age and at your age there are a deluge of divorces and break ups so it is probably quite a good time. My advice would be to avoid younger guys. Yes, the sex is often great and initially it is flattering but they will always see you as something transitory until they meet someone their own age that they want to be serious with. It doesn't matter how good the sex is they will have no qualms I doing this and it could have a serious negative impact on your self esteem. Good luck. You never know what is round the corner.

Men in their 50s are the same age as you.

You will meet someone.

OP if it makes you feel any better, I’m a good few years older than you, also look and act younger than my years, same sort of back story etc, and I haven’t given up. I’m more concerned I’ll soon be 60 and won’t have found someone but live in hope 😀

I’m doing the OLD thing, and yes it can be dispiriting. I’ve been asked out by an 83 yr old (who was quite persistent) but then I’ve also had a very funny image boosting chat with a 23 yr old 😂. You have to go with the flow which includes guys at both ends of the age spectrum trying their luck.

I do agree with taking time out for yourself first and realising you can be absolutely fine without a man, and don’t need one around to define you. I’ve realised through doing the dating process that I don’t think I want to actually live with someone...something I might of course change my mind on though. But company and sex would be nice 😉.

I also had the younger man relationship post divorce - and yes, amazing sex too. Just a word of warning...we tend to forget about STIs as we get older, especially when we get to the stage where we can’t get pregnant. A friend had a relationship with a really lovely man post her divorce, and he unknowingly passed an STI onto her (he had no symptoms).

Rule of thumb...always ensure he wears a condom (especially if he’s in another relationship) and get tested regularly (now would be a good time for you if you’ve finished with the guy). Plus, sorry to say that any man who is cheating on their gf could be having sex with other women besides you too.

50 is no way too old I actually think it’s a nicer age for dating. Of course you will meet someone new especially if you are going out regularly and have hobbies and interests I think regardless of age when we go through a breakup (especially divorce) we all think we will never meet anyone and be happy again. You really should end things for good with the fb guy if he can’t give you what you want long term but just see it as fun that you had now on to a new chapter and how exciting for you with all the possibilities ;)

And online dating probably isn’t the best place to meet new people, I personally think it can waste so much time as you never know if you have a connection with someone until you’ve seen them in person. But good luck and enjoy it x

I’d be going for a younger man, personally. So many men in their 50s are old, plus I like great sex and I think quite a few older men aren’t that strong and virile anymore...obviously there are exceptions, but in my view the good men in their 50s will be taken.

But perhaps I’m being harsh?

In any case, don’t give up hope. You’ll find someone, you just have to be clear about what you want, stick with that, be honest about your age on your profile (that’s what I’d do - I’d rather sift out time wasters and twats right from the beginning) but also be honest that you are looking for a younger man, or at least a very active, ‘young’ in attitude man.

Don't give up! Just keep getting out and about meeting all sorts of people, try new activities and I'm sure someone will happen to you. Until then please remember that there are far worse things than living alone.

I was 54 when the love of my life came into my life, he was 53 and had been divorced for a few years after his wife of 25 years decided she was a lesbian and was leaving him for another woman. Do't give up hope.

Do you want a relationship or fun? OLD is horrendous. I was shocked at being appproached by men 10, 15, 20 years older than me and all (bar one or two) the men my age were looking (as per their profile) for someone 10 years younger. Some women lie about their age, that is not my style. It all felt very unfair but it is the way of the world. I have no idea what the answer is other than keep trying different routes - joining clubs, single nights etc. Keep being happy and having fun.