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Original poster

Anybody elses' FB this infuriating???

21 replies

scotgal2017 · 13/04/2019 18:36

Been single for nearly 2 years after a 20 year relationship. Went to therapy and although happy single I sometimes feel like i want a relationship/another adult to talk to (have 2 DCs) etc. I have recently moved back to UK and have to rebuild my social circle etc so I am doing OLD.

i met this guy on badoo in November last year. He asked me what I was looking for and I said dating/see how it goes etc. he said he was looking for a relationship. After meeting 8 times, I realised he was using me for sex (we met for coffee first date, all susequent dates were coffee at his and all ended in sex). He is not abgreat communicator, would go for days without talking etc and I got fed up and told him to stick it. Have been on other dates but nothing serious has come along.

End of feb this year he messages saying he was thinking of me and would like to see me. I asked just for sex, and he said yes. I said why not, i was thinking of having an FB anyway.

We have met up twice since then. i never contact him first, he contacts me and I go to his flat for sex. it maybe slightly more than a pure FB arrangement should be as we cuddle, talk, kiss etc. I've never stayed the night and he says he wants me to. he says he changed his mind all the time and "he doesn't know what he wants, some days he wants a relationship and some days he doesn't". i said fine, I know he's not happy (it's apparent he feels stuck in certain areas of his life) but I won't be around forever as I'm looking for a relationship.

I hadn't heard from him for 9 days, he messages yesterday asking to see me this weekend. I told him I am free Sat PM and Sun PM. he says he wants to see me Sat PM as he misses me. He said he would message me Sat AM to confirm a time. I'm still waiting for that message.......

i'm trying to play it cool but his wishy-washiness infuriates the shit out of me. I have 3 other guys looking for FB status etc and I've stalled them as I wanted to speak to FB to see how he feels about me sleeping with other men (feels it's only fair he knows), so I can't even discuss this with him as he has disappeared!!!

Anybody elses' Fb this wishy-washy and infuriating???? Any tips or advice??

OP posts:
CarolDanvers · 13/04/2019 18:40

Well it sounds like it’s more for you or you wouldn’t put up with it. If you weren’t into him you wouldn’t need advice on how to deal with it because you just wouldn’t be...

ILoveMaxiBondi · 13/04/2019 18:41

He’s either a fuck buddy or a shit boyfriend. Which is it? you decide, he doesn’t.

I have 3 other guys looking for FB status etc and I've stalled them as I wanted to speak to FB to see how he feels about me sleeping with other men (feels it's only fair he knows)

If he’s a fuck buddy it’s none of his business who else you have sex with. Use protection everytime, that’s your only responsibility to everyone you’re sleeping with.

But you seem to be giving him far more say over your life than fuck buddy status.

I think you want him to be more. Decide what you want.

Btw you won’t get more from this guy. He really does only want sex from you.

category12 · 13/04/2019 18:43

You don't need to play it cool - it's a sex only thing.
He's been rude by not messaging this morning, which shows just how much he "misses" you.
So meet one of your other guys and stop letting him get in your head so much.

category12 · 13/04/2019 18:47

By not playing it cool, I mean message him "Rude. I can't be arsed with this, ta ta."

Original poster
scotgal2017 · 13/04/2019 18:48

Yeah, I don;t know if it would be classed as an FB in the strictest sense. Because initially he said he wanted a relationship i did get emotionally involved/bonded as we had had sex. Now I don;t expect too much from him as i know how useless he is and how unemotionally unavailable he actually is - but when we are together we just seem to get on and have a good connection. I know he's so wishy-washy and nothing could progress, I just thought it would be decent of me to discuss with him about sleeping with other people (probably because as I say it seems to be a "level higher" than FB, but not an FWB level IYSWIM).

I think I'll give him tomorrow and if he doesn't contact me I'll tell him to do one.

Thanks for the advice!

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 13/04/2019 18:49

probably because as I say it seems to be a "level higher" than FB

For you.

For him your a number he texts for sex.

Sorry OP but you need to wake up.

Original poster
scotgal2017 · 13/04/2019 18:49

And by contacting me I mean a message explaining why he was so rude and didn't message!

OP posts:
Original poster
scotgal2017 · 13/04/2019 18:50

@ilovemaxibondi

so he wouldn't wantto cuddle, chat etc if he only wanted sex/a pure FB??

OP posts:
category12 · 13/04/2019 18:52

Of course he wants cuddles and chats, it's part of a nice experience and it's only polite. You're really over-invested and duping yourself.

Original poster
scotgal2017 · 13/04/2019 18:53

@category12 thanks, I'm done with him, I have other interest which may not be so wishy-washy, I've wasted enought time on this clown!

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 13/04/2019 18:58

He wants the fb girlfriend experience without the relationship. And most fb relationships I know of have included cuddling and chatting etc.

I think you're reading a lot more into this because you want it to be true. He wants sex and a lovely 'date' experience, you want a relationship. You know he's flaky, he's told you the score, but you're sticking in your fingers in your ears and singing la la la. This way heartbreak lays.

Original poster
scotgal2017 · 13/04/2019 18:59

Message sent now to tell him he was rude and not to contact me anymore Smile

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 13/04/2019 19:01

No contact for nine days. He’s clearly sleeping with others as your arrangement allows.

I’d block him and focus on finding a guy who is keen.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 13/04/2019 19:01

so he wouldn't wantto cuddle, chat etc if he only wanted sex/a pure FB??

Of course he would! Cuddling and chatting is nice when you’re in the mood for it. He gets it all on tap, on his own terms when he sends a text.

Original poster
scotgal2017 · 13/04/2019 19:09

Thanks for all the info guys, I know he's flaky as f* so I'm onto the next one (or 2 !! Wink )

OP posts:
Grumpelstilskin · 14/04/2019 00:04

You owe him no explanation. The whole point of FB set-ups is that you do not have to account for who you see or what you do when you don't see them. As long, as you practice safe sex - I'd try out all of them. If the whole point is great sex, then I'd audition a few to settle on one or more.

pissedonatrain · 14/04/2019 06:52

@Grumpelstilskin
is right.

That's part of the point of FB/ FWB situations. You do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want and you don't have to discuss it with anyone. A FB isn't working if you're sitting around waiting on someone to call or think about telling them you're going to see others. I imagine he is seeing others too.

Go out with the other guys and do what you want.

ponyprincess · 14/04/2019 09:13

I am not sure he was being rude if it was a clear FB situation - the whole point is no responsibility just sex. I agree with pps who say there is no reason in an FB situation to explain about others.

It does seem like you see this as more so good that you have finished it to avoid being (anymore) hurt

category12 · 14/04/2019 09:27

No, it is rude to say you want to meet up on Saturday and you'll message to confirm, and then not bother.

It's rude in a fuckbuddy, it's rude in a nodding acquaintance.

tuttifritti · 14/04/2019 09:36

Am I the only one secretly impressed by how many options the OP has that she is willing to entertain? Misses the point entirely

Good on you OP.

Original poster
scotgal2017 · 14/04/2019 11:31

No, it is rude to say you want to meet up on Saturday and you'll message to confirm, and then not bother.

Exactly. If you can't/don't want to meet after saying you would confirm, whether I'm a FB/friend/Gf/wife/fellow human being, it's not unreasonable to ask for a one line text to say not happening/change of plans/can't/don't want to.

@tuttifritti lol thanks. I was with an abusive arsehole for 20 years since the age of 17 so i'mgoing to have a whole lot offun that i missed out on Wink

ex fB read message.... his only response..... 2 crying emojis....... what an arsebandit. Next please!!

OP posts:
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