DH caught me with a toy.

[hidinginthenightgarden]

And he is upset. HAven't had chance to talk about it as he has gone off to the gym.
We don't have sex much because we have 2 young kids and are up before 6 most days. Both very tired in the evenings and kids are up super early in the morning so no time for much then either. We make the effort about once a fortnight. Not ideal but in the circumstance I have been seeing it as a short term thing.
I also assumed he did similar as occasionally he locks the bathroom door - literally once a month or something that I notice, the rest of the time he leaves the door wide open evven if doing a shit. I have always assumed that he was sorting himself out on those occasions.
Is this really that bad? Maye I bruised his ego? Maybe this will help us make more effort? Any ideas to make this an easier discussion pleas?

master Nate

Great autocorrect

Soundd like you need a proper conversation about the physical side of your relationship and about trying to meet each other's needs a bit more.

Please take this seriously as sex and physical intimacy is important and will be impact your DH's whole attitude towards your relationship. He is not 'an idiot' to be upset that your sexual relationship is in a bad state.

I had an ex that felt threatened by toys. He was controlling. I’m not saying your OH is but I think they feel undermined. He was also crap in bed and never got me to those dizzy heights!

DH on the other hand likes to hear about solo sessions and is happy to help in the use of “props” when we’re together.

IMO self exploration helps a healthy sex life!!

Saying he 'caught you' suggests you did something wrong. Which you haven't.
He needs to grow the fuck up.

At least you're not doing that and texting other men telling them what you're doing like my Wife

I'd be more curious than annoyed, and find more time for bedroom activities (If I was in a normal marriage!!!

He's overreacting. He should have made the most of the moment by joining in.... Mine would 😉.

Tell him that was an invitation to treat but he chose to snooze and sulk.

He’s being an idiot

Did he bring it up with you later @hidinginthenightgarden

The responses would be very different if the genders were reversed here.

If she said she was with the kids and popped upstairs and saw him jerking off... he would be called all kinds of everything.

I've read threads where the responses have been very different to this. Lots here saying he resents the toy - doesn't seem that way to me as he'll use it with you at other times. It's surely more being upset that you'll make time for that but not for sex with him? I take it you haven't had a conversation about your recent dry patch? You mentioned assuming it is a short term thing and will change later - perhaps he hasn't seen it that way so is more worried about the long term implications than you.

Not while the kids are in the house. With an unlocked door...

But generally, none of his business.

I thought most of us had them. And there is no point in having them if we don’t use then!

He is being stupid!

Mixed feelings from me, my OH was regularly refusing to have dec with me but was watching porn and masturbating. I haveno problem with him doing either in addition to a healthy sex life, but to me it was replacing that ......... I'll be honest it bloody hurt me! It all came to a head when he'd forgotten his phone and was in the car and I ran back for it, a text came through saying his recent XXXX video was charged to his phone account or something like that, it was Christmas morning and I just lost it. He was using all his time and energy on him, not us.

Anyway that was just one way he used to hurt me, withdrawing any physical contact, I don't think you've intentionally tried to hurt your husband.

Just please be mindful that there is a middle ground to meet and you don't want to lose the intimacy between you.

*sec not dec!

Or even sex not dec! Ffs!

Why wouldn't it be ok if the genders were reversed? Sometimes you let your partner wander off to do as they please while you watch the kids, and it shouldn't matter if they choose to play rugby, play on the Xbox or play with themselves!