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Original poster

Dating question - go with gut?

31 replies

Shoobopbop · 13/04/2019 08:29

Hi mumsnetters,
Just after a bit of advice on dating - in your opinions, is it best to trust your initial gut reaction with someone or to give things a chance before you make your mind up?

I went on a date last night, guy was attractive, very chatty, we laughed and talked til 1 in the morning, found we had some things in common. But I wasn’t wildly into him, he was quite animated (?immature) , seemed very keen on me and oddly kept going for a wee what seemed like every 5 mins?? We did kiss but again I wasn’t really into it. So nothing major but my instinct is telling me no but at the same time there wasn’t anything bad enough to give a clear reason why not to meet him again...

OP posts:
category12 · 13/04/2019 08:34

Was he maybe doing drugs in the loos?

If you're not into him, you're not. You don't need a big reason.

rumred · 13/04/2019 08:35

The toilet thing made me think cocaine but he could have a weak bladder?
I think generally if you get on well it's worth another date. But if your gut is saying no, trust it and move on

JenniferJareau · 13/04/2019 08:37

Sounds like drugs to me with the loo visits.

Original poster
Shoobopbop · 13/04/2019 08:41

It definitely wasn’t drugs because I could hear him weeing and he was only in there for 30 seconds if that! Grin it was weird though... Hm yeah I think when someone is keen it really puts me off but I don’t know if that’s something I need to work with a little. He wants to meet again on Monday but I feel like that’s probably too soon...

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 13/04/2019 08:45

Weirdly animated plus frequent toilet breaks = coke.

It takes about 5 seconds to do a bump of coke.

But you didn't much like him anyway so just don't see him again.

category12 · 13/04/2019 08:50

So he didn't wash his hands?

Original poster
Shoobopbop · 13/04/2019 09:10

😕 ooh erm I’m not sure , I think he did... I hope he did! Ew!

OP posts:
category12 · 13/04/2019 09:12

There's your big reason not to see him again. Grin

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 13/04/2019 09:12

Go with your gut... Next!

If you do give benefit of the doubt and go on another date I’d still be arranging other first dates.

ChristmasFluff · 13/04/2019 10:13

Gavin de Becker in 'The Gift of Fear' says something like 'never trust your gut unless it's telling you to run' - the reasoning being that your gut reaction of 'yes!!' may be blinded by other things (your own need for companionship, your desire to please others, lust etc), but the gut instinct of 'no' comes from a deep survival instinct within. It's what saved the people who wouldn't help Ted Bundy etc.

So I'd trust your gut on this one.

grumpyyetgorgeous · 13/04/2019 10:43

Go with your gut, he could just have been nervous which explains the weeing and the excitability but I think you know after meeting somebody whether you're into them or not. Move on and let him do the same.

NameChangeNugget · 13/04/2019 15:46

Sounds like he was on the sniff

GraceMarks · 13/04/2019 15:57

Chatty and animated and laughing until 1am... yeah, I'm thinking drugs too. You don't have to cut out a line on top of the cistern, you can just shovel a pinch up your nose while you're doing something else! If you're not feeling it, don't see him again.

Itsallpointless · 13/04/2019 19:30

If he was going that much I think Id have asked him, in a kind of ‘jokey’ way, but then I’m pretty suspicious of menConfused

I’d agree to see him once more, see if he does it again then make your decision.

Dieu · 13/04/2019 19:39

He could have been wanking. Used to happen to a female friend of mine, who did counselling in a male prison.

Dieu · 13/04/2019 19:42

It sounds like you're just not that into him. Especially if you weren't feeling it with the kiss. I usually go for a second date, just to be sure, unless I really don't like/fancy the guy.

category12 · 13/04/2019 20:03

Wanking every five minutes for 30 seconds? Plus the sound of peeing?

Although what sort of place were you, OP, to be able to hear him pissing?

MumsyJ · 13/04/2019 20:18

Never ignore the good ol' gut instinct.

Dieu · 13/04/2019 20:18

Well, fuck me, nothing is out of the ordinary when it comes to online dating Grin It's as good a guess as any!

CupcakeDrama · 13/04/2019 20:26

I immediately thought drugs. was you at his house? not sure how else you would hear the weeing??

ponyprincess · 13/04/2019 20:33

If your instinct is 'no( then I would just move on to the next rather then invest on a second date. If you are thinking 'maybe' then a second date to be sure if you want to

JenniferJareau · 14/04/2019 09:48

Chatty and animated and laughing until 1am... yeah, I'm thinking drugs too.

That was my thought process as well. Easy to make it sound like you are having a wee to hide the drug taking.

Chocmallows · 14/04/2019 09:52

Early dating does not need to be fireworks, but should not be weird and at least be fun.

Unless, he messages to say he was nervous and usually calmer, I would move on.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 14/04/2019 10:07

So nothing major but my instinct is telling me no but at the same time there wasn’t anything bad enough to give a clear reason why not to meet him again

Your instinct is the reason. You don't need another one. You're not feeling it for this guy - just move on.

I'm a huge fan of Gift of Fear, and (although I am not saying this guy is dangerous or anything) you are doing the classic override of "well, I get a bad feeling about this person, but I can't think of a rational explanation why. So I'm just going to ignore it and try valiantly to like him".

Dating is an area where the risks are significantly higher for women than men. Listen to your instincts - they are smarter than you and they are trying to keep you safe.

Unburnished · 14/04/2019 10:12

How could you hear him weeing? Please say it wasnt a first date at your house! Shock