Divorce or can this be salvaged

[WhoAmIToTellYou]

I have posted before ableit under different names.
Bottom line is
I’ve been with him for 11 years
2 kids (9&4)
He has porn addiction- 5 years ago i had a solid proof he attempted to see a prostitute. All imploded then, we went to relate, had some councelling. Conceived dd. Plodded along.
Our usual day is like this: he leaves at 6am whilst kids still asleep. I take them to childminders, he collects in the evening. He goes to bed as soon as older one is sleeping (we sleep in different rooms). We only talk about practical things- house, kids. There is no sitting in front of telly holding hands or any touching at all. We are civil. We are renovating the house. For all he know i could be having major things at work but i dont think he would care to pick up on that. I could be having an affair (i’m not) - i dont think he would care.
Today we had yet another convo about splitting- he kept throwing accusations at me (i did hit him in the past out of hurt and frustration re prostitute and non engagement in relationship) I stayed calm ( way past getting emotional over any of this, it has been 11years of this after all). He seems reluctant answer any questions as to what exactly he wants from relationship. Appart from me stop being angry with him and criticizing him. I asked multiple times what would he like from a relationship. He was talking in an angry defensive manner. I stayed calm. He never once asked me what it isi would like from a relationship.

It is clear to me as i write... but still.. can we salvage this relationship? For the kids? Is there something we can still do to salvage this? I want a tactile loving relationship but there is zero of that. I dread having to age and potentially look after him when the time comes. Is there a way i can break his walls and address his porn addiction (we had no sex since dd was conceived 5 years ago). I long for human touch- can i have it after some magical intervention? I could love him again but there are so many walls. He doesnt address porn addiction. He pretends the hurt i experienced never happened (when our first was born he would go out to strip clubs and simply switch off his phone so that when i called in the middle of the night he was unreachable). He says he is affraid of me (5’5 against him) which i think is bollocks and his way to get out of having address his own behaviour.

It’s a bit unemotional this post, i know. I’m so detached from all, just surviving and plodding along. I have a good job (46k, i think that’s pretty decent though i feel like a skivvy at home as he barely has done anything ever) but still not enough to ensure the same standard for kids if we split. He would definitely be loving father but he is just non existent husband and im trying to make sense of wtf happened to my life. I dont think he wants me in any way shape or form.
Wtf do i do and how?... and more importantly, if we split, is there a prospect of anything better for me? I’m 38

WhY stay when nothing will change?

Are you afraid to be on your own?

To be honest, this sounds like there is no love, just convenience. It would not be enough for me.

38 is still young. If you don't feel that way, it's probably because you're worn down by living like this. I would cut your losses.

Bloody hell, you really don't sound like a woman who really wants to salvage - and from what you said there isn't anything anyway! Run for the hills and find real happiness- it's out there I can promise you.

Better to be alone than to be so badly accompanied. Do not be that afraid of change.

There is nothing to salvage here and you certainly should not stay together simply because of your children. Do you want to teach them that a loveless marriage will be their norm too?. No you do not.

You mention staying for the kids - what do you think they are learning about relationships from your current one?

You're self sufficient financially so what is stopping you - time to move on.

I think you can salvage separating and co parenting in a productive way rather than limping on together in the same house.

How long to finish the house?

You are not ina ‘ relationship ‘ or at least not a loving tactile supportive relationship , you know the writing is on the wall in regards to the future . I think you already know what you want to do , you don’t need permission to say this isn’t working and it’s finished .
A lot of women worry about finances post split but it sounds as if you are ok .
What exactly are you waiting for ? And how long are you going to wait ?

Crikey. You’re not even 40 yet! No there’s nothing to salvage. I’m all for relate and better conversations to give it a go but you’ve been there and done that. Like that movie title says “he’s just not that into you” is he? Going to strip clubs when your baby was born? Really? Did he really do that and turn his phone off? That alone is enough to say “I’m done mate”. I don’t understand why you didn’t kick him out then. You want and deserve better than this! You earn a lot of money so of course the kids standard of life will be fine. Teachers don’t earn that much and there are hundreds of thousands of them all having a great life. Look at downsizing and moving to a cheaper area which means you can keep the same standard. There’s plenty you can do. Look at how much you have going out and where you can make savings. For example, you don’t need to spend thousands on a new car or expensive holidays if that’s what you’re doing. I wouldn’t let that deter you from getting rid of him.