Life (well sex) when newly single

[girlinayellowdress]

Recently single from LTR. My decision as ex was equally as miserable but wanted to ensure he could exit as the hard done by victim. 3 children, I'm primary carer, he has them reasonably regularly (enough to reduce maintenance but not enough to actually be an effective co parent). I work full time in a very emotionally and physically demanding job with extra hours to cover above lack of sensible maintenance. So I work when the children are with ex so very little time to concentrate on me. I kind of accepted that a new relationship (strictly away from children with no prospect of ever living together) would be a long way off. Well I was caught by surprise by having the good fortune to meet someone fairly randomly where we clicked immediately, shared similar interests and had a very compatible sense of humour. He went above and beyond to help me with something and it was clear he enjoyed my company too. So the dilemma... he is at least 15 years younger than me and it just hit me like a sledgehammer that there is no way I would want someone like that to ever see me naked (overweight but not too fat, c section scarring and overhang, stretch marks etc etc I do exercise regularly now and it's making a difference but I will never be anywhere near my pre child prime ever) so as a result I'm clearly never going to have amazing sex ever again with an attractive man! I couldn't even bring myself to push the conversation on with this guy because I decided he was just being kind and really I need to catch myself on. How did any of you lovely lot get over this?

I’ve also had two children and am by no means model-like but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to have sex or a relationship.

If I’m honest, my instinct would be to switch off the lights and get under the covers but from my experience, men are more turned on by a woman who is imperfect but confident than one who is a perfect 8 but hides under he covers.

My insecurities are just that-mine. I’ve never had any complaints since I started dating again! If a man likes you enough to want to get naked with you then I doubt a few stretch marks are going to put him off. He can see your basic body shape through your clothes. Go for it and have fun!

as a result I'm clearly never going to have amazing sex ever again with an attractive man!

Girl, you are so wrong I don't even know how to tell you.

Men are realistic. They might wank over the thought of banging a size 8 model with fake tits, but the ones that aren't shallow as fuck accept that women come in all shapes and sizes, and being in bed with a willing woman is as much turn on as they need.

He already knows your general body shape and your age and parental status, right? Unless he's a teenager, he's going to realise that your body has done amazing and wonderful things and that as a result your body has the marks of experience.

If you're anxious about the first time, there are many flattering lingerie options - basques to nip in your waist and accentuate your boobs, babydolls to just loosely cover everything, deep suspender belts to contain anything wobbly...

I am a size 16, massive arse, thighs and boobs, I have bingo wings which I hate, surgery scarring and a big pouch of saggy stomach skin. I fuck a LOT of guys and not one of them has ever screamed and run for the hills when I've took my clothes off :)

Confidence is hard to find when we're constantly bombarded by mass media telling us how we "ought" to look. So stop consuming mass media as a good first step. Then... fake it til you make it. Confidence at size 16 is waaaaaay sexier than a perfect figure hiding under the duvet saying "put out the light!"

everything @FuriousVexation said!!! ^^

He fancies you, yes? Then he won't mind any wobbly bits. Just don't let them stop you enjoying yourself and living your life. You only get one!! Go for it, woman!!!

I did, and the sex is the best I've ever had.

100% agree that confidence, along with enthusiasm and good technique far outweighs physical appearance.

Us men have deep insecurities too, you know - is my skin too pasty, what about my bald spot, what about my hairy back, what if she thinks I'm too fat, thin, short, tall, skinny, freckly, ugly, sweaty, can't last long enough, can't perform, what if she doesn't enjoy it....

Very few men would ever admit to such insecurities, but trust me, they have them, in spades.

as a result I'm clearly never going to have amazing sex ever again with an attractive man

Wooooahhhh now! Stop that thought!! I have had a single baby and twins that weighed a combined 14lb! You can imagine the state my previous size 8 flat tummy is in!? Funnily enough, the bloke I'm now in a relationship with is the sexiest person I have ever meet in my life. (He's a more beautiful version of Nuno Bettencourt!) And he ADORES my body.
You will find someone who thinks you're the hottest woman ever and that you fancy the pants off! Stop writing yourself off!!

@ConfusedDH your post was so perfectly imperfect.

So OP, I am feeling very similar after a horrible relationship with a narcissist that ruined my self-esteem. Over the last few months I have been actively pursued by a lovely (gorgeous, younger, bodybuilder), who has finally settled for a friendship because I’m ‘not interested’ - I secretly am but wouldn’t feel confident getting naked with him

Friendship is going swimmingly though

Wow thanks for all your lovely responses to my self pity - really kind :-). With this particular person I think I'd look unhinged if I created a situation to bump into him again. It was nice to feel actively flirted with but did remind me how out of practice I am! There should be courses for this kind of thing

Trust me, if a man is lucky enough that your underwear is in his floor, he won’t care what you look like

Be confident in yourself. Nothing else is more attractive

Not so much about my body but when I divorced I generally tarted myself up eg grew my hair, whitened my teeth, did my nails, had my eyelashes done for a night out, things I hadn’t bothered with before and it all made a difference and gave me a small boost of confidence. Why not concentrate on yourself a bit more?

People really don’t look that different in size and shape either naked or clothed.

I’m in my 40s. Not S stunning as my 30 yesr old self if I ever was. But experience in life makes up for it. Do not miss this opportunity. Proposition him if need be, men often like that.

Let him undress you. Not with lights off either, be proud, be bold and don’t forget the condom.

@StarlightLady haha! With my likely peri menopausal fertility spike I'll be using ALL the contraceptives and STI preventers!!!

Gosh I felt like this too! After 16 years of marriage and 2 dc we split. I was vowed to a life of celibacy until I met a gorgeous man.

It took me a few drunk times to let go during sex and realise I turned him on exactly the way I was. He doesn't care that I have a wobbly tum & bum, nor that I'm not a size 8 supermodel. He said it's the best sex he's ever had and it's mine too. Honestly just go for it!

so as a result I'm clearly never going to have amazing sex ever again with an attractive man!

Bollocks! I'm a size 16 and men literally pay to have sex with me. It's a total myth that they want skinny perfection.

He knows what you look like and he likes it (so fill your boots!)