Boyfriend left me at 3 months preganny

[Liv234]

I’ve never posted here before but I really need some advice and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years, we had a miscarriage last year and I’m now finally pregnant again (3 months). I found out this morning that he kissed someone else and he is now saying he wants to break up. I really don’t feel like I can do this without him but am I crazy to want to fight for this relationship? It seems so quick and rash and I really feel like I should try and work through it for the baby, if no one else. Anyone been through this and come out the other side? I feel completely hopeless.

If he wants to break up, you can’t make him stay. Sorry you’re going through this.

It’s better to get it over with and start making other plans for how he’ll be involved with the baby (access, child support etc).

This happens all the time unfortunately so you are definitely not alone.

You need to focus on you and the baby now assuming you will continue with the pregnancy. There’s no point trying to make someone that is not that interested stay. Frankly you should be telling him to fuck right off with his half-heartedness but I know you’re just in shock right now.

You cannot fight for this relationship if he isn’t interesting in fighting too. I suggest you do the 180:

The 180

1. Don’t pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.

1. No frequent phone calls.

1. Don’t point out “good points” in marriage.

1. Don’t follow her/him around the house.

1. Don’t encourage or initiate discussion about the future.

1. Don’t ask for help from the family members of your wayward partner.

1. Don’t ask for reassurances.

1. Don’t buy or give gifts.

1. Don’t schedule dates together.

10. Don’t keep saying, “I Love You!” Because if you really think about it, he/she is, at this particular moment, not very loveable.

11. Do more than act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!

12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.

13. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!

14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don’t push any issue, no matter how much you want to!

15. If you’re in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.

16. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that “they (the wayward partner)” are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack there of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life…without them!

17. Don’t be nasty, angry or even cold – Just pull yourself back. Don’t always be so available…for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you’re missing.

18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Make yourself be someone they would want to be around, not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self-assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.

19. All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!

20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control. YOURSELF!

21. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.

22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!

23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Hear what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!

24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.

25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.

26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.

27. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.

28. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.

29. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It’s not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don’t care.

30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.

31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It “ain’t over till it’s over!”

32. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.

33. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don’t work out with the affair partner.

You cant really fight for a relationship one sided. If he doesnt want to be with you there's nothing you can do. Im very sorry OP.
Has he laid out his intent for supporting the child?

You've been together awhile so maybe it's just temporary.
Have you been having problems.
Is there stuff that needs addressing?

We were fine but I’ve really struggled with pregnancy after loss. Especially since I thought I would LOVE being pregnant and I’m absolutely not! But I have been very open with him about this and that it’s nothing he has done and I will get over it and I’m trying to. I guess my emotions have just gotten too much for him but isn’t that unfair? As I won’t always be like this!

He says he will support me financially but hasn’t mentioned any visitation or anything. Also, at this point I don’t think I want him around. If he’s the kind of person that can do this to me after so long why would I want that as a role model for my child?

I struggled being pregnant.

My sister was radiant all the way through.

I hated it and was throughly obnoxious .

Men find female anger difficult to deal with.

What was his relationship with his mum like ?

He’s a total mummy’s boy as she was a stay at home mum. She has actually encouraged him to leave me even though she knows our history with the miscarriage and also about this current pregnancy. We don’t get on!

She has actually encouraged him to leave me

Dont blame her, it will be because he's told her he's not happy with you.

Parents usually want to support their adult children's choices, if it makes them happy.