Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I?

8 replies

wertuio · 12/04/2019 08:32

When I was 18 my then gf had a baby which was given up for adoption. We weren’t given a say in the matter, and if I’m honest, we probably wouldn’t have made great parents at the time. Her parents had never really taken to me and although we stayed together for a time after the baby was born eventually we broke up.
I heard later that she was engaged about a month after we broke up.

That was over 40 yrs ago and although i’ve often wondered how her life turned out I hadn’t been able to find anything about her online.
I live 200 miles away now with my wife and have children and grandchildren of my own.

Recently I saw a post on a fb group that I am a member of that was very clearly her. She referenced a very specific event that we were both at. She is still with the same guy she got engaged to.

She must have known that I was part of the group because my name hasn’t changed. Surely she will have realised that I would recognise her?

Should I make contact? I don’t want to rekindle anything, but she was very important to me and I know that I let her down back then.

OP posts:
Weejo39 · 12/04/2019 08:39

No, leave it there I'd say.

Did you ever consider making yourself available to your child you have up I wonder?

Weejo39 · 12/04/2019 08:40

*gave
I mean to say, if they want to find you they can.

Trills · 12/04/2019 08:57

What would you want out of this?

wertuio · 12/04/2019 09:25

Weejo, I didn’t hide myself, but as a father it never really felt like I had any entitlement to disrupt their life.
I still wonder how my little girl’s life turned out.

Trills, I really don’t know tbh. A chance to say sorry? To be able to see that her life turned out well maybe?

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 12/04/2019 09:27

I find it strange that your more interested in the mother than your child?
It sounds like your hoping to rekindle something rather than wanted to find your child.....

StormcloakNord · 12/04/2019 09:30

If you genuinely dont want to rekindle anything talk to your wife about it. Tell her you've seen her on a group and wanted her advice on getting in touch. Then do what your wife suggests, as she's the one you'll be hurting if you do this behind her back.

wertuio · 12/04/2019 10:52

Is it strange?
Of course I wonder about my first child, but I never saw her, let alone had any contact. To suddenly appear in her life now feels as though it would be a massive intrusion.
If she wanted to find me she would have been able to. My surname hasn’t changed and I would be very easy to locate.

OP posts:
wertuio · 12/04/2019 10:54

Stormcloak,
That is excellent advice.
Thank you.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page