If he leaves how will it impact my child?

[DataGeek]

Ex (father of DC) and I are discussing getting back together. He left when I was pregnant. We have been working towards forgiveness and have been seeing a therapist. I want to take him back and allow him to be part of our family but I’m concerned that he may just leave us again. He left when my child was just a month old and she’s coming up to 1. Could I give her abandonment issues if I take him back and he leaves again? My child had to come first in all of this so I want to make sure she is protected from any kind of fall out if he were to leave again. He says she’s too young to understand any of this and if we didn’t work out she’d be too young to feel any impact but I’m not so sure. Surely she will develop a strong attachment to my ex as he’s her father and if he were to leave even at 1 years of age that could be very damaging?

I’m afraid that even dating slowly will not work here OP, your ex has already left you for another woman. He would still be with the OW if their relationship hadn’t ended! That tells you that he actively looked for and found someone he determined better than you. At the moment, he wants back with you, because he has (in his opinion this is so far from true) no-one better....YET. As soon as someone else comes along he will be OFF and you and your baby girl will not see him for DUST!

The fact that his contact with your baby is so unreliable, makes me think that you would be better blocking him after advising him to take you to Court to arrange contact. It is not fair on your little one to be messed about by a Daddy that changes his mind more often than his bed partners! Honestly, no Dad is better than a useless Dad who is using her Mummy until someone better comes along!

There will be someone out there who will love and adore you, who would NEVER EVER leave you for another woman! You may even find a man who would willingly take your little one on like she is his own!

It’s very telling that you (and if I’m reading this right) refer to your baby girl as ‘your baby’. I don’t believe that your ex loves your baby girl, he certainly doesn’t love you or he would never have left you for someone else!

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. You are considering getting back with a cheat who drifts in and out of his child's life. Why is that good enough for either you or her?