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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner left 2 nights ago

4 replies

DeltaDawn13 · 11/04/2019 09:56

Hi,
I don’t even know where to start if I am honest.
My partner has again decided to walk out in my today over me asking him to tidy the house with me but if I am honest I think that this has just been the perfect excuse that he has needed to start an argument and well I fell for it hook line and sinker.
He has only been back 2 weeks after the last time that he walked out because he was not getting his own way and well before this he has left numerous times.
Last year was a crazy year for us both with his mum getting diagnosed with cancer and mine having a heart attack it all just built up and well he chose the wrong road as he fell back in with a crowd that he used to be friends with but hadn’t been since we got together and then he ended up taking drugs (cocaine) and eventually falling off the wagon after 14 years sober.
So when he was taking drugs I was oblivious to this for a few months and then when he ran up a debt this is when he told me and well promised that it would not happen again and he would not touch it but well he did and ran up more debt to the point that Christmas was cancelled as we couldn’t afford to do it as he was paying drugs off at £200 a fortnight.
He then blamed me because I was getting stressed out about Christmas and well I wanted to get our mums something at least after the year they had but no he has to pay debt and it got to the point that he left a couple off days before Christmas and I didn’t hear from him until the 27th as he told me he was ill and had been in bed and well I believed him.
I then took him back and because some things that he was slipping up about I went through his phone and well nope he had not been in bed he had been out putting goodness knows how much up his nose.
He again promised that it would not happen again and well I believed him and we were getting along until he was getting angry about nothing and everything and we argued and he left again.
I didn’t hear from him for over a week and I was round the bend and then he phoned and told me that he had started drinking and as soon as he said it I went and got him brought him home and he went through detox with me taking time off work and making sure that he was ok.
I felt that this brought us closer and well maybe just me kidding myself but he was so convincing that it had and that nothing would ever break us again and he blamed the stress off his mum and watching what she was going through and this was the final result but that this was all in the past and that was it we were going to have the life that we set out to.
For 3 weeks it was great and we were getting in better than we had ever and then arguing started and he throw a miscarriage in my face that I had to him last year and he was shouting that he didn’t believe me because there was no proof.
What I called him from the hospital at the time he told me that he would be there and hope he went with his friends to get drugs and I didn’t hear from him for days.
He hurt me the one way that I never thought he would and I asked him to leave because he had sickened me with what he said and he did.
He then phoned and messaged me a couple off days later saying how sorry blah blah blah and well yeah I took him back.
He has then left today over me asking him to help me in the house because it needs a deep clean as he does nothing all day and I am just as bad in the house atm but I do work full time I do clean but not a proper clean and I cook the meals.
He told me he was tired and that it can get done another day and if I believed that it could then I wouldn’t have minded but this is what I hear all the time.
He then went crazy and started name calling and well left again.
I called his family home because he has left all his items and well I know that he will start kicking off when he wants them and I wanted to get it arranged for him to get them and avoid this and his dad told me he was out so this is the final straw because the only place that he will be will be with his druggie friends again and well he owes £1500 that I know about but well this will double probably.
I just needed to get this all out because I feel like I am going mad and have no one that I can turn to.
I have since tried to call him for him to collect his stuff for his dad to tell me that he was out and that he didn’t know where he was so right away red flags flying the only place he would go would be his so called friends that do drugs.
The ones that let him have a drink after 14 years sober and I know that he is a grown man but well not in the correct place mentally at the time so they should have told him to get a grip but well nope.
I am just feeling so stupid as I am worried about him and I know I shouldn’t be but well I can’t just stop caring for someone right away but I know that I have to stay strong this time as he has proved big time that I am nothing to him and that’s finally starting to sink in.

OP posts:
NameChangeJustBecauseICan · 11/04/2019 10:13

OP, that post was just so long to read. It might just put some off.

I'm very sorry for your predicament. Your partner may have lost his way and reverted to previous behaviours because of last year's problems. However, we all encounter bad stuff to deal with throughout our lives and he probably needs counselling to deal with those issues and then professional help and support for his addiction(s).

You need to walk away and start building a new life for yourself that is a happier life than you have now with him. He may never become resilient enough to cope with problems. you need to either reconcile yourself to living with an addict and accept all the bad behaviour and debt that goes with the territory or walk away and make a better life for yourself. It will be hard but isn't life harder living with him?

Bluntness100 · 11/04/2019 10:17

Did you post this yesterday? Or something similar?

ppppppickupapenguin · 11/04/2019 19:25

Hope this doesn’t sound bad, but do you enjoy “saving” him? He lets you down constantly and bringing up a miscarriage and using it against you is sick. You’re always there to pick up the pieces every time he fucks up. Try and muster up some self respect because if you don’t have boundaries and respect yourself then nothing will ever change. Good luck and I hope you find the strength to put yourself first

MysteryMom · 11/04/2019 21:17

You need to end it. Stop taking his drunk, drug taking ass back. He won’t change!

Call woman’s side about co-dependent relationships and hep in getting out and staying out.

He is slowly destroying you. Don’t let him back in.

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