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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I leave or stay?

9 replies

missy6 · 10/04/2019 19:31

Hi I'm new to all this and would really appreciate any advice any one can give me. I'll try not to drip feed. I have been with my partner for 2 years now. I was made homeless 8 months into the relationship and moved in with him and his parents for a short amount of time. During this he would leave me there on my for around 4 nights a week to go sleep at brother 1s house and smoke weed. The 3 nights he came home he would just sit on his game and ignored me. Brother 2 who lived with us and my partner had a large fight and we were made homeless. He went to live with brother 1. Brother 1 would not even let me into his house never mind sleep there which resulted in me sleeping on the streets while my partner was tucked up In a warm home and did nothing to help me. After around 2 weeks of sleeping rough I finally got my own home in which I have lived here around 8 months now.
Partner comes and sleeps around 3 nights a week and spends the rest of his time with brother 1. I really need some advice on wether to leave or stay in this relationship. I have tried to talk to my partner about possibly moving in together in summer 2020 in which we will have been together 3 years. But no he was adamant he wanted to live with brother 1 where everything was paid for, smoke drugs and not work. He said he wouldn't even think about us moving into together for at least another 3 years. He doesn't even want to think about getting married for at least another 15 years.
Am I being selfish and trying to rush things by asking if we could move in together next summer?
He is 25 by the way.
Is this relationship just doomed as the minute it seems as though we want completely different things?

OP posts:
GoingRetroMN · 10/04/2019 19:34

He sounds absolutely worthless. Dump him and move on. You can do miles better than that mess.

Divebar · 10/04/2019 19:35

And why I’m God’s name would you want to have anything to do with this man?

missy6 · 10/04/2019 19:42

Honestly for some reason I do love him I've always hoped things would change :( we will have been together 3 years next year and he has no intention of us moving in anytime soon! Brother 1 is awful and honestly my partner would do anything he said! I know deep down leaving him is what I need to do but I guess I just needed someone to tell me thank you so much x

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 10/04/2019 19:46

he let you sleep rough for 2 weeks - what kind of person lets someone they know sleep rough let alone a partner/boyfriend

Stop blaming brother 1 - your partner could have said no or tried to support you he didnt

MysteryMom · 11/04/2019 07:26

Your so called BF let you sleep rough for 2 weeks! Most people wouldn’t let a friend do that if at all possible let alone a BF! He prefers the company of his brother who lets him do drugs, pay for everything, doesn’t work.

What are his positives other than you love him? Does he ever pay for anything when he is over or do you pay for everything?

I would get rid! His time line is ridiculous

KOKOtiltomorrow · 11/04/2019 07:32

@missy6 - you sleeping rough while he had accommodation is awful. I don't agree with the phrase "let you sleep rough " as he is not your parent but honestly- in what way did he even try to help you? And now he is happy to sleep in your home when it suits him! Please leave him and find someone who actually cares about you.

Lozzerbmc · 11/04/2019 07:42

Whats good about him? His top priority sounds like his weed; he doesnt work; didnt help you when homeless; doesnt want to set up home with you... you think that sounds like a recipe for happiness.? I think you can do better. Dont waste your time on him. Aspire for better. Men dont change good luck

hellsbellsmelons · 11/04/2019 09:54

So he doesn't work so has little money.
Has not prospects.
Is a drug addict.
And you want to spend your life with this person????
Please dump him.
Find someone who prioritises YOU over drugs.
Someone who will be a good role model should you have children in the future.
This loser is just that - a loser.
Raise your bar!!!!

PlatypusLeague · 11/04/2019 10:08

He won't change. You are wasting your time on this man. He isn't showing you respect, consideration or affection. Please walk away now and make a new life for yourself. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I'm guessing you're young and may not yet have had a relationship with a more kind and considerate person.

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