Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

9 months postpartum: penentrative sex

11 replies

MaeBee · 13/07/2007 14:28

so wish me luck, tonight im going to bite the bullet and finally try penetrative sex....only 9 mths after having my baby. we've done other stuff, but i still feel weird and tight in the actual vaginal area, and have been too afraid to try penetration with more than a finger.
we've got a nice bottle of red in, and im really hoping it won't be too uncomfortable. anyone else who left it ages and what was your experience when you finally tried? is it going to hurt?!
used to be a complete sex kitten and extremely experimental and now im like a bornagain virgin. will try and incoporate that into some sordid game perhaps!!

OP posts:

mslucy · 13/07/2007 14:30

lube

dobbysayswoof · 13/07/2007 14:30

Wine good idea.
Lube the first few times also.
Low expectations!
It will prob not be any good at first but you've gotta get back on the horse

slayerette · 13/07/2007 14:33

We left it for a few months, certainly - when I went to see the doc for something or other, she told me off (in a lovely way - she's a great GP but very forthright)for not having done it and said dh and I should just get the wine in and go for it. She said that she had patients who were so nervous that they weren't having sex three years after the birth and the longer they put it off, the more they feared it. So have a drink, put some good music on and have fun! For me, after getting so anxious, it felt absolutely fine - not My Best Sex Ever, but not painful or anything.

Good luck - try to have fun

Oh - get LOTS of KY jelly

Original poster

MaeBee · 13/07/2007 15:37

thanks for the support.

have got the ky in!
have managed 2 fingers, but to me it felt tight. dp, bless his patient socks, says to him i feel the same as before, but we can take it as slow as i want. he totally wouldnt be into it if i wasn't anyway, so im going to possibly have to fake more enthusiasm than i feel.
am still bfing, and also have had an anal fissure since just after the birth (a cut on the rectum which makes bowel movements painful and hurts afterward) so thats all added to my low sex drive.
was going to spend the afternoon practicing and masturbating but not til coming (tmi!!!???) cos my dp is around this afternoon and he was off to take the boy out on a walk but its pissing it down, so they are playing upstairs and im on the computer instead. oh well!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

MaeBee · 14/07/2007 07:18

didn't really manage it. got a third of the way in, but it was too painful. is that normal after 9mths???!!!
anyway, an orgasm each and i actually felt horny so it wasn't a lost venture!

OP posts:

FoghornLeghorn · 14/07/2007 07:33

blimey it's a bit early isn't it !

ChipButty · 14/07/2007 07:46

Keep trying - I can assure you it does get better! Our youngest is 2.6 and my DH said to me yesterday that we haven't had so much sex since we got our first flat together - true! Your DH sounds lovely BTW - with his supportive attitude you will be fine. Just take it slowly and don't put pressure on yourself for penetration to occur if you just don't feel ready. Good luck. x

BandofMuggles · 14/07/2007 07:52

Was it painful inside or out IYKWIM???
Did you have stitches???

CharleeWeasley · 14/07/2007 07:52

Keep trying, everyone is different, dp and i were back to it after 6 weeks with ds2 but it took a few months with ds1. Just try and relx and hopefully things shoud flow normaly.

Original poster

MaeBee · 14/07/2007 08:38

thanks.
its all a bit complex cos ive also got this anal fissure problem, which causes spasms in the sphincter, since the birth, so im not sure whether the muscles are all extra tight from that (i get pain in my coccyx too since then). OR my other worry is that ive been stitched up too tight! i know thats not impossible.

bandofmuggles: yep, had an episiotomy and forceps (bit different from the planned homebirth!!) it was all quite traumatic.

chipbutty and charleeweasley: v reassuring to hear.

it did turn out to be good sex in the end, just not on the penetration front. and am still feeling sore this morning. it was all very close and loving and fun. my dp is very patient and caring, and luckily penetrative sex isn't his favourite anyway, so that helps take the pressure off! although he's very keen to try again soon!

OP posts:

BandofMuggles · 14/07/2007 08:43

So he should be caring, you and your fanjo (for want of a different word) have had a big trauma and need to be careful. If it continues to b painful then go to docs and ask about perhaps being stitched too much. I think it would be pretty easy to fix, and you can't wait forever to see if it will fix itself.
Sex isn't the be all and end all, but it is mighty important to a relationship.
Still the not actually having intercourse can spice up the relationship no end in the mean time. More time to concentrate on "other" things.

Flip