Will this relationship work

[Sadhubby]

So I need some advice please. I have been with my girlfriend for about 5 months.

Already we've had a few issues, mainly minor but a few fall outs and being on and off. Anyway... we're now getting on really well. We are both professionals and have good jobs. She is very independent and head strong (which I like) and recently got a promotion but has been quite stressed about this.

She recognised this was contributing to our arguments and is addressing her stress and anxiety now.

Me on the other hand am quite a jealous person. My ex wife had two affairs and it effected me a lot. My girlfriend knows this. She's accused me of being controlling, she travels for work a lot and sometimes I rarely hear from her when she is away, yet laughs when she tells me colleagues flirt with her on nights out. When I challenge this she says I'm controlling her so I don't do that any more. Also when she travels or is out for the night, normally I'll ask her to let me know she's home or arrived safe. This is controlling too according to her and she rarely tells me.

The other day she told me to be more manly. When I asked her what she meant, she told me to let her be traditional. She says i let her walk all over me. Me, I'm just after an easy quiet life and try not to argue so I don't think I do do that. I happy to let her be her and me be me but as a couple.

She says she wants to look after me, cook etc and for me to be more a traditional man. When we're out, I open doors for her, i treat her well, I go to the bar etc... so thought I was traditional.

She said the last three guys she lived with let her do all the traditional things and she likes it. I took offence to this and told her I'm not they guys and I believe in equality and when i mentioned me asking about why she doesn't tell me she's home safe, she said that's not traditional that's controlling. So when i asked for an example she replied, I don't know, just the normal stuff.

The conversation finished with her saying to me, it's not a bad thing you are different, we'll find what works for us. I'm just saying...

This is stressing me now because I feel like I'm being compared and that she wants me to be someone I'm not yet at the same time if I get annoyed at her openly encouraging being chatted up or ask if she's home, I'm controlling.

Now she thinks I'm over thinking this and not to worry but surely if she brings it up theres a problem?

I've tried to talk to her but she thinks I'm trying to cause an argument so stops the conversation.

So am I over thinking this? Should I just let happen what happens? I'm not going to be compared to ex boyfriends.

She sounds like hard work and sounds like she's playing games with you too imo.

I don't think you are controlling, I think she wants you to react, maybe take a deep breath before you do react and surprise/shock her with a more laid back attitude. She is not your ex wife and you are not her exes. I think you both need to realise that this is a new different relationship and try and leave the baggage from previous relationships in the past

5 months in.
Already issues.
She accuses you of being controlling.
Compares you to Ex's.
Is trying to change you.
Boasts about other men flirting with her (to make you jealous)
She is stressed anD anxious.
After all that she tellS you that YOU are over thinking this!
WOW!!!
Really!???
Cut your losses now and find someone you are more compatible with.
This will never work long term.
She's playing way too many mind games.
This should be the honeymoon period.
You've not even had that.
RUN - THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It shouldn't be this hard that you're on and off and fighting and not particularly kind to one another.

I don't think you're suited. You should end it.

The jealousy/insecurity you have, you should work on. If you're letting unresolved baggage from failed relationships affect the next, you're really not ready to date. You need to do some counselling or something to get to the right place.

It shouldn't be difficult 5 months in! She sounds like a nightmare.
You can't want a "traditional role" and then go off on business trips and flirting with colleagues for one!
(Fwiw I take more issue with demanding that OP be "more of a man" than anything else)

She sounds immature and not very considerate towards you at all. She is not thinking of your needs just her own. You will be walking on eggshells for the rest of this relationship if it continues. Who needs that? Look for someone who accepts you completely for who you are and doesnt need to mould you into someone else. You will be happier.

Sounds like an nightmare and your only 5 months in.

She is hard work and manipulative. Do you really want this woman as a life long partner?

I am sure you are no angel either but after 5 months...too much.

She's moving the goal posts so quickly you'll never keep up! Have you heard of the honeymoon period? Cos you seemed to have skipped start to pre-divorce!

I think she's messing with your head and your relationship won't last, do you want this forever?

You don't sound compatible.

OP you sound like a really level headed person. 5 months is such a short period of time to be having issues in your relationship, but the goos thing is, it's best out now than later. From your post, you both seem incompatible.

I suggest you think long and hard about this, if you can put up with this behaviour long term, then fine, but if not, just pull the plug for the sake of your sanity.

Good* not goos bloody phone

She certainly sounds like a handful. In all honesty, it doesn't sound like she knows what she wants.

I think asking her to let you know she's home safe is perfectly acceptable and my OH asks for this too. I also ask him to let me know and initially he didn't see the reason why as 'He's a man therefore he'll be safe'. I soon explained how I felt about that comment.

If I were you when she brings an ex up again I would remind her that they are an ex for a reason and you are the way you are and don't see the need to change therefore if she isn't happy with how you are, she can go to the door.

I think all relationships have teething problems and I was trying to find the boundaries with my OH in the first few months. He hates arguing and I explained I think it's perfectly normal (to an extent). Thank god we stuck it out as we have a wonderful relationship now.

Like I said I think she's really not sure exactly what she wants so try and be patience with her but please don't be a push over.

Sorry, this demanding you are more of a man i would consider an insult. And then, in the same breath calling you controlling and jealous... well, she is playing games with you. Not nice. I would ditch her and just live a quiet life and the right person will come along, who likes you just as you are.