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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

For those thinking of leaving a sexless marriage

27 replies

Sausagemash · 10/04/2019 06:45

I've recently done it, took years to build up the courage. However there is life (and sex) out there and people who want that intimacy with you having to beg for it.
Feel I've wasted so many years, however I'm going to be positive as it like a weight has lifted

OP posts:
bigchris · 10/04/2019 06:50

Oh that's love it to hear, what a brave thing to do

slipperywhensparticus · 10/04/2019 06:53

Well done it's nice to hear positive thoughts on this situation I feel guilty leaving my ex it wasnt just because of the lack of sex though he was quite abusive but everytime I tried to go he would say its because if the sex and I would feel obligated to stay (makes no sense to me either)

Auntpetunia2015 · 10/04/2019 07:00

I did it 4 years ago it wasn’t just the lack of sex it was lots of things but i left thinking it didn’t matter if I met someone or had sex again because it had been 13 years and I could live without it. Obviously I was very very wrong, met a lovely man and yep the sex is great he wants me, I want him and we have lots of fun.

Original poster
Sausagemash · 10/04/2019 07:03

I'm hoping my sanity and confidence comes back eventually. Having recently met someone who is so complimentary and affectionate I'm starting to realise it wasn't me after all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sausagemash · 10/04/2019 07:15

Auntp that is good to know and so pleased you've found happiness, must be a lovely feeling

OP posts:
Auntpetunia2015 · 10/04/2019 13:11

Just take it easy enjoy what it is and have fun. I was always told I wasn’t cuddly was hard to love was difficult etc. New man loves cuddling makes me feel looked after and has no problems loving me or showing me he loves me. It’s as fabulous 3 years in as it was when I met him.

user1497997754 · 10/04/2019 14:31

That's fantastic news I am in the same situation but have got used to it.....sad really x

recall · 10/04/2019 14:35

Here here Sausagemash. I did it after 26 years ...have since discovered that sex is actually f***g fantastic

JustinOtherdad · 10/04/2019 14:39

Hi OP. Do you have any kids? If so, how did you handle it...?

LellyMcKelly · 10/04/2019 15:16

I did it after 6 years. It’s so amazing to get all the great loving from someone who thinks you’re gorgeous. I could wallow in my DP of 4 years all day and night.

Bemusedagain · 10/04/2019 15:18

Love this thread!

TheStuffedPenguin · 10/04/2019 16:33

Me too - hadn't had sex for years with ex H . Had am amazing affair with a red hot guy who got me back in the saddle and now am very very happy with a new partner . Can't believe all those years I wasted .

something2say · 10/04/2019 16:55

Me too. 3 years. Threw sexy nighties away. Loss of self esteem...

Now I have a lovely hunky man who's so good at foreplay I die and go to heaven every time!!

Wonderbag · 10/04/2019 18:14

Ah that’s good. I think I need to hear stories like this Sad

Original poster
Sausagemash · 10/04/2019 21:22

Yeh one child, was tough but he's coped very well. I know what you mean about sexy underwear, I've a drawer full with tags on. I'm hoping I can finally use them!

OP posts:
Auntpetunia2015 · 10/04/2019 22:19

Oh you’ll use the sexy underwear..it’s such an amazing feeling to wear it and it be appreciated and not be ridiculed. 26 years I’d been married and let me tell you I’ve done it more in the last 3 than in the 29 I was with my ex!

ShatnersWigIsActuallyAMammoth · 10/04/2019 23:24

Lucky you, OP. I left a sexless relationship 9 years ago almost to the day. Still single, only had sex three times and that was 8 years ago.

anotherglassofred · 11/04/2019 00:13

I have been in a sexless marriage for many years and it eventually drove me into an affair. It has been amazing to be appreciated in that way again, wearing sexy underwear etc and I did think there could be a future with him eventually however our situation is really complicated and he has just ended it.

So now I am back to square one and don’t know what to do because the marriage is fine otherwise. I just don’t fancy him and don’t think he fancies me either. But I didn’t realise how much I missed sex and intimacy until the affair but is that a good enough reason to leave and break up the family? Feeling really down and confused right now.

TheStuffedPenguin · 11/04/2019 00:15

I’ve done it more in the last 3 than in the 29 I was with my ex!

Me too ! Grin

Auntpetunia2015 · 11/04/2019 18:09

Great isn’t it penguin?!!

RiversDisguise · 12/04/2019 20:04

Fabulous thread!

Original poster
Sausagemash · 12/04/2019 21:12

Honestly it's a revelation. All this I've missed out on

OP posts:
Gre8scott · 12/04/2019 21:24

I am in a sexless marriage i want my husband to want sex with me but i dont want to have sex. Not with anyone i dont understand it i might leave one day as its a killer not to be wanted but i would be in the same situation with a new man after a few months the sex would stop.

RiversDisguise · 12/04/2019 21:34

Since you want to be desired but not to have sex, you want to punish your husband and weaponise sex to control and manipulate?

Don't you know what orgasms feel like?

Gre8scott · 12/04/2019 21:37

Thats is totaly not what i said i do want him to want me but he doesnt which is probably a good thing cos 2hen it happens i have mever liked it i do know and i dont get the fuss .