Lost loving feeling - is it ADs or what's happened?

[DontCallMeDaisy]

I started medication for anxiety and depression three weeks ago. I needed help after a frankly rubbish couple of years.

In my personal life there's been mum's cancer diagnosis; two miscarriages and my ADHD diagnosis. Professionally, I've gone from being a successful freelancer to struggling in 12 short months, mainly due to stress and a decline in my mental health. Currently, I'm contemplating a career change but everything is up in the air.

For DP things have been quite stressful too. He started his own business and it has been very rocky. I carried us financially, quite comfortably for a couple of years, but since my work has gone down hill, we've really struggled.

Things are especially shit at the moment as it looks like he is about to go bust. I've always been completely supportive and had complete faith in him but it's come to light in the last couple of weeks that the failure of the business is largely down to his disorganisation of finances. He's disregarded advice from myself and others and if he'd done a couple of pretty fundamental things, we might not be in this position.

This is the guy who up until last week I was completely inlove with. I fancied the pants off him and couldn't get enough of him. He's always been amazing with my DD and my family love him.

But I'm lying here in a gorgeous hotel room on a beautiful family holiday (annual bjg family event paid for by parents) wondering why suddenly I just feel weird about him.

He's shaved his beard off, which I found really sexy, and he looks very different to start with. I do a bit of a double take when I look at him as it's so unfamiliar.

I guess I feel resentful that after years of supporting us financially, now I am flailing, instead of stepping up, he is going bust. I am having to come to terms with the fact, we won't be able to try again for a baby now. By the time we are financially secure again, I will be too old.

A couple of quite superficial, diva-ish things too - he proposed at Christmas and told me we were getting a ring made which he'd already mostly paid for. We had designs done, but it turns out no money was paid. So now that isn't happening and it's doubtful we will get married any time soon either. It's just been my birthday (on the holiday), my family know things have been tough and have been treating me.amazingly. Obviously, in the circumstances, I should have felt grateful for the new Wilkos kettle he gave me because ours is broken and I havent been able to afford a new one. But I don't really although I have pretended qiite well.

I've always had the higher sex drive, but at the moment, I don't want to do anything like that all. I don't look at him and fancy him, I just keep noticing that his t-shirts are old and scruffy and way too short so his bumcrack is constantly on show.

I know a lot has happenes but usually, stressful things don't make me feel differently about him. They don't affect my attraction to him.

I'm wondering if my anti depressants could be contributing towards making me feel so emotionally detached from him? I've had other side effects such as nausea and increased thirst.

Does anyone have any experience? I dont want this all to be resentment as I know it will be difficult to come back from that

Yes it's the ads. But not in the way you think. They have cleared your mind enough to realise that your partner is a financial waste of space! For years he's been allowing you to carry the financial load while fucking up his business. Though two miscarriage, through you becoming so stressed that it's affected your mh, he has failed to step up. Failed miserably while he refused to do the fundamental necessities to make his business succeed. He basically lied about the ring to keep you hooked! That's a huge fucking lie! And he keep the lie going while you spent time designing it! He's been letting you take the financial burden and lying for so long that you may have missed the window for a baby!!

And you're supposed to be grateful for a fucking kettle?!

No wonder you feel 'weird' about him! It's your eyes finally opening!

Thanks for your reply. I don't want to feel like what you say is true but I think a small bit of me does.

I don't know if my trying to sum everything up has painted him in a bad light. He has tried very hard, he's worked very hard. Its just becoming very plain that he isn't financially and business minded. But a lot of time and effort has gone into keeping his business afloat from me and my family. My dad has even helped us financially.

It annoys me that paying my dad back isn't as high on his list of priorities as it should be. Ky dad is very successful and has offered to spend time and give help, but DP won't take him up on it through embarrassment. Meanwhile we have been drowning.

I dont feel like hes expected me to keep us a float. He apologises, says it kills him that it has done this to me and wishes he could support me more at the moment. Whenever he does have money he doesnt spend it on himself.

I didnt understand why he proposed as we couldnt afford a wedding any time soon and I didnt want him buying an expensive ring. But he told me it was sorted. He said he'd been planning it for months and had arranged to pay in installments so I thought he had been paying it. Over time, it materialised he had just put £50 down. I cancelled the design as we couldnt justify another outgoing at this time. I was disappointed but he didnt really underatand why. I couldnt explain it myself in a way that didnt sound grabby. Even now I still gey asked if I've got my ring yet, I just feel a bit let down which is annoying because if he jadnt proposed in the first place I wouldnt have even been bothered.

I think it's all been wishful thinking rather than malicious intent. I dont think hes a bad person, I just seem to have stopped feeling what I did for him. I read AD's can do that.

Could be the rose tinted glasses have now come off.

He was great when things were fine, but now they are not he has been found wanting. He would much rather let the family sink then ask for help. That shows you the kind of man he is.

"He apologises, says it kills him that it has done this to me and wishes he could support me more at the moment. Whenever he does have money he doesnt spend it on himself. "

Hmm. This all sounds good BUT he could have done more than just wish he could help, couldn't he? He's had offers from people to help with the stuff he's not good at, and he's refused. He didn't have to tell you he'd been paying for the ring but he did.

It all sounds like someone who has a firm image in their head of themselves that isn't the truth of who and where they are (the too-small clothes jump out to me here as an example), and until he can climb down from his prideful self-image of someone that "doesn't need anyone's help!", you are going to keep having to make up the shortfall between what he wants the truth to be and what it actually is.

Yes ads bring everything into sharp and painful relief - similar experience with Sertraline. It was like everything was floating out there with no end in sight (and low thoughts which was the reason I started as I just couldn't take them). Does he have adhd too?

we won't be able to try again for a baby now. By the time we are financially secure again, I will be too old.

Well this is massive. I think you be mad to let his mess ups ruin your chance to have children.

The libido could be linked to the ads- but if you sort your situation out you can taper off them and it will come back.

I don't really know what advice to give other than get firm or ditch him.