Would you move on from this?

[Greeceisgood]

Am having relationship problems with dh. A few years ago, during a row, he got very angry and ran towards me and pushed me nd said "I feel like killing you."
I was very upset and he later apologised. Now, after the worse year ever in terms of our relationship this has really resurfaced along with other stuff. He says I'm being unfair bringing it up and other stuff from the past. He has never actually hit me but I am scared of his temper and he has hit things and walls etc. I could say a lot more and I have posted before and now I've had enough.

Op all you need to ask yourself is "Is this relationship worth it"?

Life is very short, please don't torture yourself by wasting any more of yours with him.
Neither of you sound like you are enjoying yourselves, time to call it a day you both sound like you BOTH would be happier apart.

He says he is sorry and that he loves me and wants it to work.
I find it difficult to trust him and worry about the future.
We have discussed separating.
When he is angry he says we need to split up then later if I mention it he says he will be depressed again and feels like killing himself. So then I feel in a difficult position. I am very depressed and I tell him.
It will be ok for a while but that isn't good enough and the relationship is a mess. He gets cross too easily and I'm always on edge.
I have had some counselling and talked about wanting to leave him.

I have just read another post where a young mum is treated awfully by her partner and it all sounds familiar - feeling guilty, the self doubt and lack of self belief. Somehow seems like it's our fault.
And then another post where they discuss how there partner has never shouted at them! I wish!
Recently we were in a cafe and he spilt his drink across table and a bit on himself. (Waiter didn't say lid was open!) He was so cross and said f..k and sh..t at the table and then stared out of window and didn't speak for ages. As usual I tried to speak to him and said not that bad (i quickly wiped it up). He had a face like thunder and said the usual "what would you do? What do you expect me to do?" The mood went on all day. I say he over reacts to things and he says no.
Always treading on eggshells when out or driving as never know. Or someone will annoy him.

As a longtime although now ex DV advisor this makes me very worried.

This is what I see.

He DOES have problems.
He does not acknowledge them.
He wants you to shut up.
He wants you not to mention it.
But hes not owning it.

You have been there a while.
The cumulative effect has built up.
You know it's wrong and need change.
You've one foot out of the door.

Leaving is the point of highest risk.
You are being genuine and honest with him about how you feel about what he does.
He is getting worse because he knows you might leave.
This is why control escalates at the point of separation.

I would advise you to ramp it DOWN for safety reasons.
Get a DV advisor to help you plan and to hold your hand while you do whatever you decide to do.
Stop being honest with your husband because it is making it worse and increasing your risk.

You are in a relationship with someone who will use violence to get his way and maintain control. Hes showing no signs of changing.

X what do you think?

Thank you everyone and thank you to @something2say
All good advice.
I have been posting on here on and off for the last couple of years and still not left him.
I consider myself a weak woman.
I constantly check on here and with the few I confide in - seeking reassurance.

I see what you mean about playing it down. If anything I've been doing the opposite.
I tell him I want to separate and I can't do this anymore but he seems to keep me back in.
Other things i'm too scared to tell him.
I have read some of his messages to ex gf but I still haven't told him as I'm scared of his reaction. I will be the bad one I know.
When we discussed that he had met her he said stuff like "are you happy now? / It's cos you've been unfriendly to me / You've got what you want now / a reason to leave" and so on.

Its classic twist and blame.
How do you feel about leaving him, giving up on him? And not telling him about that as a plan?

He's gone from punching walls to punching his head. Next he'll be punching your head. Once that first punch lands you're on borrowed time.
He's violent, abusive & a cheater - are these the "qualities" you set out looking for in a man? Leave him while you have a chance.
Make your arrangements privately, don't tell him or indeed anyone what you're planning in case it gets back to him.
Take care.

I want to leave and wish I could just walk away but not that easy mainly because of family issues.
I am planning it but in truth I find the whole process so difficult.
Just wish everything was different.

@sleepingstars I hear you!

I'm so upset and feel trapped.
I have put up with it all for too long and since I've been discussing it with others it's helped me to realise more and more. I have been a fool in many ways. I have enabled his behaviours

He says he doesn't think he is that bad and no one is perfect and maybe I should have married someone else. He always says "you don't really know what goes on in other relationships". I say I've read about other relationships on MN . He dismisses this and will say stuff like "internet rubish".
He makes me feel guilty and confused and always has an answer.
When I say I don't like his temper and aggression he says I'm critical of him and always finding fault!
He is so difficult to communicate with.