Advice needed!

[Jasmine1002]

My partner went out last night for a staff works nights, he stayed there in a hotel and was due back this afternoon. He called me last night about half 8 to day just having the meal then off out, speak to you later. Now I haven't heard from him, texted him this morning and have no reply called him once I had finished work to chat, he didn't answer. He has been on social media posting stuff but still hasn't replied to me or got in contact with me. He still isn't home. I haven't texted him since I called but I dunno what to do, I'm going crazy! I dont trust the people he went out with.
I feel like hes avoiding me, any free time and I feel like he doesn't want to spend time with me. Our sex life has been nonexistent for the past 3 weeks. I have instigated and it says no, or i mention it and he says he has headache or is tired. I feel like I cant win. I'm on my own with no family or friends, stuck in our house.

I'm the person who cant go to bed when there is something I have to say and I need to have a chat with him but how when he wont speak to me or text me back. I dont think he will come home for a while I'm stuck, sat in tears crying my eyes out.

Do you live together? If so I'd dump his ass. If not, ignore, stop texting, calling. He's showing you who he is and move on.

Yeah we live together, I have sent him a texted and called him but nothing. I'm so stuck because I have noone to turn to and nowhere to go

Well then, that's shit and he's an asshole. Don't let him away with it. See what he has to say when he returns but that would be the end of it for me... no need to go anywhere. Lock the doors and leave the key in you're in for a sleepless night i fear if he doesn't return.

Do you suspect he's seeing someone else?

He sounds selfish and disrespectful and you should not have to tolerate this behaviour.
In the short term, lock up and go to bed (and maybe switch off your phone).
In the long term, think about and plan what you can do / change to ultimately get out of this relationship.
Decent relationships are not like this.

I dont think that he is going to come home anyway and never know he might be but I'd like to think not. I would but cant turn my phone off as I'm my nanas emergency contact and this is the only phone to contact me on..

He has been on social media posting stuff but still hasn't replied to me or got in contact with me

Don't text him, don't ring him, don't ask him when he's coming home. Lock the door, put the chain or bolt across it so he can't get in if he tries during the night. Then think about the relationship and if you're okay with putting up with more situations like this from him in the future.

It's not acceptable within a respect relationship to simply disappear. He is obviously safe as he is posting on SM so he is just being a bit of a dick. I think you need to consider if you actually want to be with him, usually if they are willing to do something like this with no concern for you there have already been problems or signs that the relationship isn't t going well. That said If my DH did this it would be totally out of character and a sign that something was wrong with him. Only you will know which it is in this case.

If it's the former don't sit around and wait for him. Post on his social media that he can collect his clothes when he can be bothered to talk to you to arrange a time, or that you will drop them at his parents/friends house.

Do you have kids with him OP?

We dont have kids together no. The door is locked and are trying to refrain from having contact with him. I didn't think that there was any problems but was starting to as things were adding up but just making them more clear now. He doesn't have any family at all, I'm not a horrible person though and I dont think I could see him kicked out.. it sounds stupid because he is totally in the wrong

Well there’s two things here. First what is it that you actually want to speak to him about in the first place. He is away, he is safe and he will be back. Now it is nasty and hurtful that he doesn’t want to reply to you but there isn’t a lot you can do about it. Except decide it is not something you will tolerate. In which case wait and tell him when he gets back.

The second thing is what do you want to achieve by locking him out of his home. Even if he is disrespectful, it is home and he is not a danger to you. Ask him to sleep elsewhere in the home but don’t start a new drama by having him banging on the door or kicking off. Because that it is just the start of a new level of toxicity or the end of the relationship. Ending the relationship is a good idea but do it properly not in the style of a soap opera.

There is multiple things that have happened which I cannot say, so we need to discuss this. I haven't locked him out I've just locked the door.

The fact that hes been out since 3pm monday drinking and is still drinking. We have Bill's to pay for which is where his money needs to go. I have no issue with him going out its just not having contact and ignoring me yet still posting on social media

Honestly the bills can wait a few days and do you really want to discuss him ignoring you when you are tired and distraught. You will end up fighting. The point will be lost in anger and acrimony.

Right now,, the best thing to do is calm down. Accept he is out and that he does not want to speak to you. Think about that properly. It is a game changer for your relationship and you need time to think about it and decide what to do.

He knows what he is doing he to you and that he is going home to an argument. He is prepared, knows you will kick off and will justify his behaviour because of your reaction. Don’t give it to him. No reaction will phase him much much more. Because you have control.

What an utter asshat. Have you seen signs of him cheating? How has the relationship been outside of this incident? You have said the last three weeks have been off but before that?

I hope you have been able to get to sleep.

I also agree, the quiet but deadly reaction would be the best reaction. One he is not expecting at all!

Still no sign of him, managed to have couple of hours. He can sometimes be a bit funny about his phone. I'm trying so hard to stay calm. It's been hit and miss the past few weeks I've been ill and had to go hospital, my grandad passed away and found out on Sunday. Our sex life doesn't exist, I have instigated it but just get turned down, he doesn't seem bothered.

Leave him. He clearly has no regard for your feelings, and no physical affection for you. With no DC together this seems pretty simple. Plus he is spending money you need for bills on getting drunk for days while not responding to you! Raise your bar. Big time.

Well he still isn't home and haven't heard from him since Monday evening now. I'm a mess and have to go to work soon. He will come home and sleep when I have gone to work I think then wont be awake tonight

He’s an asshole

So you need to digest what his behaviour means for you. I can’t tell you why he behaved this way. He could be a drunk on a bender or much more likely he stayed out because he didn’t want to come home. He stayed out because he knew and knows it would make you angry and push you to the edge. He didn’t care and he won’t care in the future no matter what you do.

To be honest I think he has checked out and wants things to come to a head and for you to dump him. He is too gutless to tell you. There really isn’t anything left to say other than to sort out your separation.

If you want to have a rant at him go ahead but don’t think he will feel guilt or it will make him care. It won’t.

How can you work out living arrangements?

That's what I think too, I think he wants me to end it too. See what happens tonight when I get home and see what he has to say for himself. I think I have already decided anyway but need to speak to him. We are currently renting, but I dunno where we would go from now as none of us have anywhere else to go