What do i do? help

[Natmomof1]

Ive been with my daughters dad for over 6 years and we had our beautiful girl 2 years ago. Our relationship has been difficult at points over the years. We have been homeless and he has cheated on me but we got back together and are now ment to be happilly living in a house that is still classed as temporary accommodation with both our names on the tenancy. He suffers with mental health and has a knee injury that i know affects him deeply.

We argued bad a few weeks ago and i told him honestly that i dont love him the same i did and why i felt this way. After he flew into a rage and left the house he said he was goin to kill himself (i had the police here 4 times during the night to try find/help him) during this time the police man said based on what he was saying to me on the phone that he wasnt gonna kill him self and that this was more emotional blackmail. How do i know the difference? What am i ment to do? He has threatened to take his own life before but has never actually done ANYTHING to take it. I dont want him dead or to hurt himself i dont want to even take that risk everytime he threatens to do it i do everything i can to help him police ambulances family interventions.

For a few days mabey a week after itll be just fine hes helping and hes been nice then it starts to slide again and its like a huge hoop im stuck in. When he gets nasty it can be the smallest of issues. He dosnt hit me but he will push me or throw things around whilst hes shoutin abuse at me (i can shout too dont get me wrong but i refuse to shout around my daughter where as he dont give two shits) i walk away to stop it... i get abuse over text and calls. I go out to breath some air... he tells me im a bad mom for leaving our daughter with a disabled man and follows me in the car shouting abuse at me tellin me to get in the car.

If i leave im homeless again i dont wanna put my innocent little girl through months of hotels and hostels again. He wont leave. Id never take his little girl away ive always said that he would have contact with her as he isnt a risk to her... but he tells me if i leave i leave without her as this is her home.

Im so unhappy but i feel stuck i see no end to it all. I feel as tho ive failed everyone and i knw the only real end to this is for me to leave him i just know its gonna be a war zone from him and his family. I dont even know were to start with the whole housing issue.

Any advice that would make this process easier please.

He sounds very abusive and you must get yourself and your DD away asap.
Please contact Womens Aid.
Also Shelter should be able to help re: housing.
But make plans to get away and stay away.
You cannot live like this and your poor DD doesn't deserve to be brought up in this hostile environment.
It's not fair on her.
Only you can stop the cycle of abuse.
Put it into action today.

Thank you for messaging me. Ive got the number for womens aid ill ring them and shelter havent been very usefull have already rang them.

Would second the advice given to call Womens Aid. You both need to get away from and stay away from him permanently. This is not the relationship model you want to be showing your child.

I would also suggest that you enrol yourself onto the Freedom programme run by Womens Aid going forward as well as this will help you recognise red flags and abuse. Your boundaries, perhaps skewed already, have been further messed with by this particular individual who is a master of manipulation.

He is manipulating you still and in turn your DD; such abusive men hate women, all of them. He is not a good father to his child because he abuses you as her mother. Men like you describe certainly do use the threat of suicide to keep their intended target i.e. you in line and it works for them.

He does not have to hit you (yet) to hurt you because what he is doing works for him. He has you controlled and seemingly trapped with him.

What you describe here is a controlling abusive relationship. Its likely been like this from the early days as well with the power and control against you being ramped up over time and especially after the birth of your DD.

His threats of suicide are done to further control you, that is precisely why he is doing this now.

You poor thing, he is manipulating you so much that you can't think straight. He is not going to kill himself because then he couldn't bully, harass and intimidate you. He threatens but doesn't take action and leaves you in a state trying to get emergency services to find and help him. There are people genuinely in distress, or suicidal, and he isn't one of them.

Also, tbh you are not helping him. You are not responsible for his actions yet both of you are acting as if you are. He is encouraged to behave this way because he gets the results he wants. It is unhealthy, in fact harmful, for all three of you. You are only responsible for yourself and your DD and you need to remove yourselves from this situation, as soon as you safely can. I understand you do not want to be homeless again but it may not come to that. Your DD will not stay with him, remember he says you are a bad mother if you go out of the house and leave her with 'a disabled man"?

Get advice from Women's Aid. If he ever starts pushing you, shouting abuse and throwing things call the Police, don't wait until he actually hits you. They can remove him from the property.

This is not your fault. You haven't failed, and in fact have tried very hard to make it work, but it will be affecting your DD. I hope you have some support from friends and family but you are strong enough to do this.