Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner keeping me a secret

48 replies

Justme49 · 09/04/2019 13:20

i there, apologies if this is long winded but here goes....
I've been with my partner for around 2 years now. All is good except three things....his 3 close female pals. I am not a jealous woman and never have been but my problem is that they know nothing about me and think he is single. He has lied to me and said they DO know about me but one of them, he was having an 8 year affair with which I found out from her and one of them is an ex from years ago who he swore knew about me until I called her the other week to arrange an appointment and she had no idea about me. The third one he says knows of me but I think the writing is on the wall with that one.
I have told him on many occasions I have no problems with his female friends. All i.want is for them to know I exist. Why would he want them to think he is single? I am so hurt and he just refuses to see it from my point of view. Keeps calling me jealous and I am.so not.Anytime i bring any of this up, he keeps going on the defensive and its causing strife in our repationship on a regular basis.
Any comments would be greatly appreciated coz I think I'm going mad:(

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 09/04/2019 19:50

I am 51 and am scared of being alone. How sad am I....

No. Not sad. It's normal to be scared of a big change like this. Accept that you're scared. Reassure yourself. And then end it.

Flowers
BumbleBeee69 · 09/04/2019 23:13

He's taking the utter PISS

BaaLamby · 09/04/2019 23:33

Op I met my now lovely DH at 51! I left a 26 year Marriage at 48. I felt like you but put my self out there and just enjoyed dating. It was the best thing I ever did. I wished I’d done it earlier. Don’t waste anymore of your life with this man.

Shadow1234 · 10/04/2019 00:05

Sorry you are going through this OP, but as everyone has already said, you need to end this asap. You know of 3 female friends, there may be more that you don't know of. The sooner you move on, the more likely you will have the chance to meet someone who will treat you with respect.

holly873 · 10/04/2019 00:09

I would have binned this relationship a long time ago. He sounds very immature. You can do a lot better than treated like this.

LordWheresMyShoes · 10/04/2019 00:14

He's probably not even single and free to be seeing you.

You deserve better self respect than your currently giving yourself.

bluejelly · 10/04/2019 00:20

The most lonely place is in a bad relationship. Make space in your life for a good relationship (one not with him!)

Miniloso · 10/04/2019 02:32

I was scared to be alone after leaving my narc ex. It took me 2 months of grieving but now I feel great. Gong on a few dates & enjoying my kids and my friends. You’ll be fine. Take the leap and give yourself time. Before you know it you’ll be happier than before!!

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 10/04/2019 03:20

No fuck this. Life is literally too short.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/04/2019 03:28

He must be something special to keep 4 women strung along.

How old is he, does he have kids or is he mysteriously busy every other weekend......

Khob · 10/04/2019 05:50

If they are only friends why is it a problem for them to know? They're not just friends are they? Sorry OP but you can do better.

category12 · 10/04/2019 06:48

He's probably still sleeping with the affair partner.

LaughingCow99 · 10/04/2019 07:01

There is absolutely no reason for him not to tell his female friends about you if he is doing nothing wrong.

The doubts and a get aren't going to just go away.

Please leave him, and enrich your life in other ways. Settling for a deceptive partner out of fear of being alone will never make you happy.

AuntMarch · 10/04/2019 07:04

He isn't your "partner" if you are a secret. That isn't a relationship, it's a fling.

I don't broadcast anything about my life, but there's no way my close friends (as you describe the women being) wouldn't know I was seeing someone two years down the line!

Original poster
Justme49 · 10/04/2019 12:48

Thanks for all your replys guys. One of the ex's he met with yesterday to price a job for her. He is a joiner and she needs work done in her premises. I guess he must be the only joiner out there lol

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 10/04/2019 13:07

'He has lied to me and said they DO know about me but one of them, he was having an 8 year affair with which I found out from her and one of them is an ex from years ago who he swore knew about me until I called her the other week to arrange an appointment and she had no idea about me.'

Just read it all back to yourself and do yourself a favour.

UbbesPonytail · 10/04/2019 15:03

So they know you - who do they think you are to him? Or do all four of you think you’re in a relationship with him?

You deserve so much more OP.

Original poster
Justme49 · 10/04/2019 15:39

2 of the 3 now know of me. And that's only because I made it happen by introducing myself to them. All along he has been telli g them he is single and I knew something wasn't right. Number 3 he says knows about me but I know she doesn't. I can't be bothered anymore. They are welcome to him.

OP posts:
Tweety1981 · 10/04/2019 15:42

He’s a controlling twat

he’s seriously twisted .

How dare he pretend you don’t exist !

Dump him . You aren’t the psycho , he is a manipulative prick

Potatonose · 10/04/2019 15:53

Op you deserve better than this, he's keeping you a secret to keep his options open. Drop him.

OMGIwonacar · 10/04/2019 16:01

They are welcome to him you sound annoyed at them. Why?

Happynow001 · 10/04/2019 16:35

@Justme49
I am 51 and am scared of being alone. How sad am I....
There are worse things than being single OP. Not having someone in your life who lies to or about you, denies your existence in his life, for example.

I can't be bothered anymore. They are welcome to him.
Does that mean you've decided he is not someone you want to have in your life and you've now split up? Hopefully so as it doesn't sound as if he adds anything positive to your life.

You are, frankly, better off without him and/or with a pet. Good luck OP.

cheeseypizza · 10/04/2019 20:54

What appointment did you need with his "friend"? @Justme49

New posts on this thread. Refresh page