Can anyone explain my feelings?

[Itsallpointless]

Split with partner last summer 6 years together, totally my decision. He did not want to split, and pursued me/maintained sporadic contact. Sent a very emotional valentines card, I did not encourage any of this. I found out he is seeing someone else, and was at the time of contact/Valentine card.

I did not (ever) love him, argued relentlessly due to his controlling behaviour, should’ve split years before, but always went back.

Question is, why do I feel sad when it was absolutely the right decision to split? I’m thinking I should’ve tried harder etc, what does she see that I didn’t?

Sometimes, if we’re not feeling strong or sure of ourselves, we can rely on other people validating our choices and preferences. As a trivial example, if I watch a film and really enjoy it, then talk to someone who said they didn’t like it, it can often take a bit of the sheen off the film and I worry if I got it wrong somehow. Which is silly really.

That, plus society’s expectation that women need to work at relationships to keep a man, could be producing this feeling that you’ve made the wrong choice.

But clearly you haven’t (here, have some validation 😄) so maybe you can just feel a bit sorry that his new partner is where you were 6 years ago...

gotta wow, I’m exactly that person you describe! Thank you for your wise words and validation

You're grieving for the loss of 'what ifs'
What if I'd tried harder/did this/didn't do that.

6 years is a reasonable chunk of time. Not just a flash in the pan relationship. You'd built a life together even if it wasn't perfect.