how do you leave your dh?

[cosmobrown]

Hi. I'm feeling really really down, as I've made the decision I should leave my dh. I haven't loved him for a long time now (years). We have just been co-living together.

My problem is, how do I afford to leave? I work part time (child with autism) and all my money has gone into the household account since we married and is spent straight away. I personally have no savings.
What do I do? Where do I go? Do I ask him to leave? We can't financially afford to run two households.
I feeling really depressed about 'failing' and have no self esteem left. I just feel stuck in a really bad place.

Join the club, except it's him not me. DD's autism has caused me to loose 2 jobs and prevented me from working full time until recently, his job took us overseas - I earn less than 1/3 of him (just above minimum wage). Running two households is going to be really tough despite him being a decent earner (and DD's pip is up for renewal so who knows if she will keep it?)

hi stucknoue

I'm sorry you're in this situation too. I've only got a couple more years left of DLA as well, so if that goes it'll be a real blow too. So how are you going to do it? Is dh going to fund somewhere for you to live?

thanks bucket…
I guess you have to move out before you claim for the benefits? Where do you live until the money comes in?

Thank you so much Bucket.
Yes, it's hard to think straight. Thank goodness MN is here!
DH is a high earner, but our outgoings are high too. (We pay school fees and a large mortgage and not a lot left at the end of each month). At least I think that's how it works. I've never had access to dh bank account and don't know how much he earns exactly. He has his own personal bank account and our joint account which he pays into for family/house stuff.
God this is really scary.

I'm with you cosmo.

I desperately want to leave my dp but have huge debts. Think £20k. We have a teenager son together but not married so think I'll get bare minimum from him. Our house would need to be sold and the equity would pay off my debts. But I have no extra to save for a deposit.

How does housing benefit work? I'm worried my debts and poor credit history will make me a bad risk to rent too but I realise my mistakes now and don't spend a penny. Most of the debts I now realise were me trying to buy my happiness.

If leave in a heartbeat if I could.

Chocolou - so sad. Here -

Hmm. I'm not sure I'd be a good bet to rent to either come to think of it.
I don't think dh knows I want to go. I presume he thinks I'd never do it. Or couldn't do it financially.

I feel pretty alone at the moment, and don't think there's anyone I can talk this through with. Hence the lovely MN chats. It really is very helpful to know I'm not alone like this. Thank you for replying people.

for all you ladies. I left after it had just run it’s course, it was hard but once it was done everything started to get better. I was so scared to leave that I almost sent myself crazy. But once I started feeling like I was being honest with myself again, I felt a huge weight shift.

I also haven’t claimed maintenance as ex is pretty skint anyway. I earn a good salary but my hours are long so it’s hard to balance. But soo much better than being in an unhappy relationship.

Best to you all.

Thanks everyone. Some good advice here.
I realise I've a lot to sort out and organise before I go. But hopefully doing something towards the end goal should help me feel a bit better. Part of my problem is I have no self confidence and I keep imagining I'll just disappear into the ether once I'm on my own.

Really really respect you ladies who've done this.