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Relationships

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Original poster

My sister is pregnant, being a bitch, and causing chaos

23 replies

holly873 · 08/04/2019 21:03

My eldest sister is seven months pregnant. She was dating a guy she met off Internet dating for two months before she fell pregnant. We as in the family only met this guy three or four times. He seemed like a decent guy. Anyway my sister dumped this guy when she was five months pregnant (apparently she has little in common with him and he was rubbish in bed). She has now run off with another guy. A guy who is twenty years her elder and very good friends with our parents. They literally announced their relationship to the family and then jetted off for a two week holiday to Mexico.

My sister is now playing happy families with this new guy, buying baby stuff and doing ante natal appointments together. She is now also telling the father of the baby a load of lies about how she has gestational diabetes and that she is now unsure if the baby is his. Basically trying to get rid of him.

The baby's father initially sent me a fb message when they split explaining his side of the story, that he wants to be part of the baby's life, and to be kept in contact about the progress of the pregnancy. I told my sister about the message and she told me on no terms was I to reply to the message. My parents agreed and said we had to support my sisters decisions and to keep out of it. Now just last weekend the father of the baby, well his father put a call through to my mother to speak about the situation. He said that the father of the baby is understandably gutted about the situation and his head is all over the place with what my sister is now saying about the paternity issue, and that it is affecting the family. He basically appealed for my mum to try and sort out this paternity question mark. My mum said she would see what she could do and promised to give him a call back with an update. My mum however has no intention of calling him back and says we should still respect my sisters decisions.

It's really annoying me. My sister is being a total spoilt bitch here and she is causing chaos and I'm being forbidden to talk to the child's father or anything.

WWYD?

OP posts:

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 08/04/2019 21:11

That's appalling and very cruel. That poor boy has a right to be in his baby's life and your sister and mum should be being honest with him. Absolute rubbish for your mum to say you should respect your sister's wishes - your sister is lying and being cruel. I certainly wouldn't be respecting her wishes - far from it.

Musti · 08/04/2019 21:18

Bloody hell!! Why didn't she get together with this guy before she went internet dating?? Anyway, until she has the baby theres not much he can do. I guess get a paternity test once the baby's here and take it from there. I'm surprised your parents aren't trying to talk some sense into her.

Scarlettmaid · 08/04/2019 21:21

I can't believe your parents are going along with this charade. The baby's rights, and indeed his father's rights, trump your sister's. But you are in an impossible situation here. You are the only reasonable person against a bunch of shallow, cruel people. I would stay in touch with the father, but there is only so much you can do on your own. I guess he needs to get legal advice and take it from there.

Original poster

holly873 · 08/04/2019 21:35

musti This new guy's wife died in September so he wasn't exactly available until recently. But my parents seem genuinely happy for them. He is one of my dad's closest friends. It's all fucked up it really is.

My overriding concern is that this child's father is just going to completely cut his loses, over what is basically a whole pack of lies and mind games to allow her to play happy families, and the child losing its father before even being born.

OP posts:

Itwasntme101 · 08/04/2019 21:43

I would be letting the father know that if he wants to be in the babys life he needs to take legal advice and not wait for your sister to do the right thing.

Dieu · 08/04/2019 22:00

God, she sounds like total trash!
I would echo the suggestion above, that he should seek legal advice. But then I would bow out, OP. Your heart is undoubtedly in the right place, but I'd hate to see you get caught in the crossfire.
Your sister is being a bitch, but if you side with the biological father behind her back, then it could cause a massive family rift.
Not sure how you'd feel about that ...

twattymctwatterson · 08/04/2019 22:58

Honestly you won't be thanked for interfering. It'll damage your relationship with your sister and your parents and could mean you not being able to see your niece/nephew in the first place.

Tbh if the guy "cuts his losses" he's not much of a man anyway. He should go down the relevant legal channels instead of trying to go through you or your mum.

CanuckBC · 09/04/2019 01:32

I would send him one message recommending he go down the proper legal channels regarding paternity and access should paternity deem him the father.

Blondebakingmumma · 09/04/2019 04:08

I’m surprised an older man wants to start a family. Interesting to see how long the relationship lasts when the baby is crying all night

Bemusedagain · 09/04/2019 05:20

Stay out of your sisters affairs. Don’t engage. It’s not your life and not your business. Don’t get dragged into her drama. It’s her life and her mistakes. Although in your situation I’d send the baby’s father one message recommending he seeks legal advice for the paternity and to get it all done properly then bow out. Tell your sister she’s on her own and you want to hear no more about any of it if she or your parents try involving you. This has disaster written all over it. Go get your own life and protect your own mental health. I’m talking as somebody who has a sister who has done something similar. It’s been 10 years of a nightmare and nobody will thank you for getting involved or trying to sort anything out. She’ll just do what she wants anyway and all you’ll do is lose sleep and sanity over it. Invest in yourself.

category12 · 09/04/2019 06:13

It's none of your business, you need to keep out of it. The father has legal options he can pursue if he wishes. Disengage from the drama, you'll be happier for it.

Jessgalinda · 09/04/2019 06:27

Similar happened in my family.

Except it was my cousin and I was friends with the ex.

My cousin was telling everyone he didnt pay for the child, he showed me the payments going out of his bank every month.

She told people he didnt turn upto mediation, it was actually her that didnt. The ex saw her dad in a pub and the dad had a go at him for not turning up. It came out that it was her and her mum knew too. He dad went mad.

She then claimed he came to the house and attacked her, thankfully he was at work, where there is CCTV and could prove he was 20 miles away.

Its cause no end problems. I wint lie for her. I didnt go out of my way, but when people asked how I could still be friend with him or her dad asked I would tell the truth about what I knew.

In the end he went to court. It was the only way. She tried still, to stop him seeing the child. Wouldn't turn up to hand over the child etc. In the end she was given a dressing down in court and the father told her he was going to try and be the resident parent. She knew he would and that the court knew she wasnt acting in the best interest for the child so started complying.

It's all been ok for about 4 years now. But this went on for a good few years. She has been with the man she dumped her ex for ever since and they have more kids.

It's disgusting when parents acting like this.

If I was you I wouldn't lie for her. I would cover it up and if you speak to him tell him to get legal advice.

SnuggyBuggy · 09/04/2019 06:38

It's a shitshow but there isn't much you can do. I'd disengage as much as possible

Original poster

holly873 · 09/04/2019 07:54

I know it's none of my business but I'm being tarred with the same brush by not responding to his message. I don't feel like I'm in a position to even message him to advice about legal advice without that coming back to bitebme in the ass or it opening a floodgate of messages from him looking for updates on the pregnancy. Its not my choice though to not reply to the message and I certainly don't agree with how my family is treating him and his family. He probably has a mum somewhere having kittens over all this. I will be so angry if the baby loses its father out of all of this.

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 09/04/2019 08:59

I'd just cobble something vaguely diplomatic together like that it's out of your hands and to seek legal advice

Boilerbap · 09/04/2019 09:05

You have no power. It's pointless him messaging you. He needs to be aware of that and do things through the proper channels (when the time comes). It's unfair to attempt to get you to act as a messenger. And it won't work anyway. Once you have made it clear you can't help him if he continues to message you then he's being really unreasonable. It's stress you can't so anything about. Although I understand he is desperate. If that does happen, I would block him (You could always leave one line of communication open to him such as emails- something where you are unlikely to get frequent messages).

Happynow001 · 09/04/2019 09:17

OP are you able to text him that, though you'd like to help, you are unable to influence your sister's decision? Also that, as you are in a difficult position already you are distancing yourself from this situation. This unfortunately also means no more communication between the two of you. Then, sadly, block him so he can't contact you (you may need to do that to his father/other family members you may try and contact you). Whatever, you're in a difficult position.

Original poster

holly873 · 09/04/2019 20:44

No I dare not risk replying to him as the family's stance on this is very clear, even though I'm furious about what's going on. Not just with my sister but also my mum for promising the baby's father's dad that she would call him back with some update but saying she is going to ignore them. I've said my piece to my mum on it and she has just said keep out of it and let it run its course

OP posts:

Lllot5 · 09/04/2019 20:59

Honestly I would keep out of it. I know you feel bad for the baby and the father but surely he knows to take legal advice without you having to tell him.
Not saying you have to like the way your sister is behaving of course.

LaughingCow99 · 09/04/2019 21:04

Your sister is just hoping the father will give up and go away so she can raise this child with her sugar daddy.

She sounds like an appalling piece of work and your mother is so weak using the 'we have to support family no matter what she does' crap.

I hope the father gets some legal advice pronto

Contraceptionismyfriend · 09/04/2019 21:18

Message him back and tell him that you will let him know the day the baby is born. On that day he is to go to his solicitor and file a petition to the courts for visitation, paternity and PR!!

QueenBeex · 09/04/2019 21:37

Regardless of him being rubbish in bed, he still has rights to his child. He's done nothing wrong to her / his unborn child by the sounds of things, she can't just move on and forget about him when she's carrying his child unfortunately. Id personally msg him when the baby has been born and leave it up to him from there to get a court date, dna test etc sorted.

QueenBeex · 09/04/2019 21:40

Your sister sounds rather selfish and self centred. Her new partner should put himself in the babies dads shoes and imagine how he'd feel if he had a baby on the way with his ex and he was being cut out of the picture and replaced without a chance of even being a parent.

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