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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I thought I'd come to terms with my childhood

2 replies

Asta19 · 08/04/2019 15:49

My parents were not good parents. But I've made my peace with it and moved on, I felt. Except I just found out that from when I was a newborn my parents didn't want to stop going to the pub, so apparently they used to leave me in a carry cot on the back seat of the car, while they sat in the pub drinking (this was at night, not in the day). Worse still, they would both get hammered and my dad used to get my mum to drive home as she had no driving licence and he said she'd be in less trouble if they got caught! (Basically he didn't want to lose his licence) Apparently she would drive along, often throwing up out the window!

I'm just horrified to have found this out and it's really playing on my mind. It was a long time ago and they were crap parents so I suppose in a way it is not a huge shock but I feel sad for the baby I was. I suppose I feel they've hit a new low in my eyes. But at the same time it's a very old low! I want to be able to let it go but something about the whole scenario has just really got to me.

As an older kid they would often do the same thing, but then it was more common back then and at least I could go in and get them if there was a problem but a newborn baby? It just makes me feel sad. I guess I'm just posting to get it out of my head!

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SapatSea · 08/04/2019 16:03

That's so horrible and totally unforgivable Asta.

I'm in my fifties now and am still surprised at how my upbringing has affected my life (and choices) and how a memorys can be triggered by a song or news/TV article. In my twenties I thought I had escaped and put it all behind me, but things creep up on you unexpected, especially when your own DC are at certain ages, when unbidden you realise how life was for you then.

I try to grieve for that poor child but celebrate how I'm breaking the chain and how rich my life is now compared to then (even if compared to others it might not seem so successful). Be kind to yourself, cossett and love yourelf.

You are strong, you are a survivor.

Asta19 · 08/04/2019 16:16

Thanks SapatSea. It is shit isn't it how these things can knock you back when you're not expecting it. I do have a good life now and have raised two DC who are amazing human beings, and we're so close. I do hold on to that whenever I feel sad about the past.

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