We've been together for 10 years. We have a child together. I have a teenager from a previous relationship. He has always been a tricky man, but he made me laugh a lot and we used to have fun and when we met I felt seen and cared for and loved. I loved him.
But for the last few years, cracks have... emerged. He is moody - disproportionately moody. I mean, we're all moody sometimes. But his moods are extreme, often hunger related, but often just because. So that when he goes out or away, the house audibly sighs. And when he comes home, the tension kicks in. I think he is depressed.
He isn't loving towards me. He'll send nice texts, when he is away or emotional. But in person - I can't remember the last time he said something kind, or a compliment.
He isn't interested in me - or anyone else really. He never asks what I've done with my day. He will call me on his lunch break to tell me something about his day, but end the call when he has downloaded.
I have an illness - it is serious and it isn't going anywhere. He never asks how I am. NEVER. After appointments with my consultant he will rant at me about what I should do, and isn't interested in what I think. He is totally unsupportive when I anyone is generally ill (although wants ALL the sympathy when he is ill). I find this really tough, but mostly because I don't want our son to learn this uncaring behaviour.
It feels like he doesn't like me anymore. I realise that this could be an expression of how he feels about himself. He runs a business which hasn't been as successful for the last few years and that has caused a lot of stress. He could go and get a well-paid job (he is really good at what he does) but for some reason does not. This has caused a lot of pressure at home. I work part-time, around school hours - I left a well-paid job to do this a few years ago, at the time to be with the children and ease the pressure, but now because my illness makes it very difficult for me to work. He is very cross about this. I do all of the domestic and emotional work. He does not seem to recognise the value of this and is extremely put upon.
I am a goal setter and he is not. I wanted another child and to move to the country so much, but he doesn't and now the time has passed. There wasn't even a discussion - he just shut it down.
Lately, his feelings have been spilling out in public - when we are at friends houses he is unkind. Perhaps not so someone untuned in would notice, but people who know us spot it.
All of this has eaten away at the love I had for him - and the ways in which I would express it. I no longer feel inclined to ask him how he is or how his day was because it's so one sided. I can't look after him when he is ill because it's so one-sided. I can't be arsed to pander to his moods. I can't be bothered to have (really boring) sex because I don't feel cared for or seen. And in withdrawing I've realised how I created momentum behind our relationship, and the spaces for love and care.
But maybe this isn't real - maybe I'm using him as an excuse, or maybe my expectations are unreasonable? I don't know. He doesn't shout or hit me or any of that stuff. I
We don't talk about it - partly because I really struggle to talk (and so does he) and partly because I'm just not sure people ever really change.
So what do I do? I just want to be separate. I don't want to dread him coming home. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who makes me feel this way. I want to feel cared for and supported and loved. I want to move forward. I don't want to abandon all of my dreams. But then I'm letting the children down. And what happens at Christmas and on birthdays? And I'll go back to being vulnerable and skint again and my Mum will LOVE that and patronise me and be awful. I just son't know what to do, or even why I'm posting. Has anyone else felt this way? What should I do? How do I know what to do?