Relationships

[Prayers]

Advise please. Im engaged but currently do not live with my OH but I go down every weekend or he comes up to me, we are supposed to live together again when his house is finished . I went through his messages on his phone and found he's being texting various women that he has befriended on Facebook or met in the pub and then befriended. He texts things like "really nice to meet you and spend time with you last night" and "Good morning x" and "really missed you in the pub last night" and then one with lips kissing. He says I'm reading stuff into it that isn't there, that i'm winding myself up, that i don't trust him. He befriended an old friend on fb, rang her one morning spoke for 15 minutes then text her his number then the next morning he text he good morning x, which she didn't reply too. Does anyone else think this is normal behaviour? He says he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else. I feel like he's playing me and living 2 different lives. I feel pretty much worthless and that he doesn't respect me. I don't know what to do. He's 59 I'm 44 and been together for 8 years, living apart for the last year due to ill health of family member.

He's behaviour and messages seem normal. You going through his phone doesn't, unless there's going to be a massive drip feed.

I feel pretty much worthless and that he doesn't respect me
This is all you need to end this relationship.
NO it's not normal behaviour.
Sorry, but texting endless amounts of women all the time is NOT normal.
If you text this many men all the time what would his reaction be?
I think you need to do yourself a favour and move on from this one.
In 10 years he will be nearly 70 and you'll be 54!!!
I've seen first hand how these messages progress and it's not something I would put up with ever again.
It did not end well!

I wouldn't be happy if my partner was behaving in this way and he wouldn't be happy if I was either. Would he text a male friend "good morning x" and "missed you in the pub last night"? I doubt it and think that you have every reason not to trust him.

No he’s a sad middle aged player, get rid

No, not normal at all.

Not normal.
Not respectful.
Not long term relationship material.

You cannot seriously think his behaviour is ok?! Is there really any bit of you that thinks it is?!

I hope you realise what a dick he's being and move on from him

I think you're right, OP. He is living two different lives. He's "single" during the week and has a fianceé at the weekend when you meet up. He's going out drinking, meeting new people, picking up phone numbers and then attempting to nurture those new relationships into something more. That is what a single man would do.

Everyone is different and some people are naturally very sociable, so this wouldn't suit everyone, but when I was in a long distance relationship with my DH for the first two years of our relationship, he never went out meeting women during the week. He spent time on the phone with me every evening, and we often watched TV "together", messaging back and forth with a running commentary, Gogglebox style, I guess. Despite having our own friends and interests, the bulk of our free time midweek was spent nurturing our relationship, rather than new ones with other people. Of course, some may say that's unhealthy, but I never once doubted him and never felt the need to look through his phone.

I'm sorry you're in the position after 8 years.

Sounds like he's on the look out. Is it worth it to you?