I think I’ve ended it, I’m all over the place

[MidnightCereal]

I’ve been with DP for the whole of my adult life basically, since I was 18, we have 4 children together

I desperately want to be with him and be a real proper happy family, but I think it’s time to admit it will never be the way it is for everyone else

He speaks to me like utter shit, he mocks me and calls me all sorts of names in anger
Our children have started to remind me of him with their tantrums and the way they lash out with name calling when they’re angry

I wish he would acknowledge a problem and try to change but he doesn’t, it’s usually my fault for ‘winding him up’ or ‘testing him’ when he’s in a mood - thing is he’s very rarely not in a mood so it’s difficult to get any conversation in that doesn’t wind him up

I’ve told him it’s over today and he’s basically said ‘fine, I cba arguing about it I’ll move out’

And now I can’t stop crying
I feel so ... unimportant - why doesn’t he care about me?! I do everything for him, I’ve given him everything and I just get ‘fine see you later’ - wtf!?!

Sorry I’ve just read that back and it was a complete load of waffle with no actual questions or point, it helped to get it down though I don’t really have anyone in real life I could talk to about it

for you. You've done the right thing. It may not feel like it right now, but it will.

Thankyou
I hope so
Have no idea how I will cope with all the kids by myself and if I can even afford him to leave

Sorry pressed the wrong button,
But I’m sure everyone thinks like that at first don’t they? I’m worried I’ve acted a bit hastily

You deserve lo e and respect. He didn't provide this . The fact your children are copying his behaviour is bad. Of course you have done the right thing, but that doesn't mean you can't hurt. He isn't prepared to change. That says it all really. Time will ease the pain. Oh, and well done. Xx

This is your chance to stop the toxicity forever. In a few months you will feel a tonne different and realise you were your own and your DC's hero.

I ended my marriage back in January 2015 because as much as I loved my husband he didn't love me back how I needed. It was so hard because aside from being together 13 years (since I was 17), we have 3 children. It was tough, it was exhausting and I missed him dreadfully. I didn't think I could actually manage alone. But I did. And I became me, I finally realised how strong I was and how much I really was worth. You will too, and you and your children will be a new strong family unit together x

Hi I was in the same position as you about 5 year ago. I had been with ex husband since I was 18 until I was 35. We have 3 children as well. He was the main worker and I was a stay at home mum and also a carer to our youngest child with disabilities myself. He was awful to me and the kids. Name calling bullying, spiteful comments. Throwing things. Towards the end he also got physically abusive towards me. A year before it ended I asked him to leave but then took him back as he made promises to change that was one of the worse years as he then thought he could get away with anything as I had taken him back. When he finally left he went to live with his mother and as far as I know has been there ever since. It was hard as I worried about a lot of things. In the end it all worked out and things have been so much better since. No bullying or abuse anymore. Take each day as it comes and make lists of what needs doing and do what you can. It's hard as you don't know any different but the new life will be worth it for you and the kids.

Hasty? He's been treating you like shite for the whole of your adult life, and you think you're being hasty?!!

He's had the whole of your adult life to change and treat you like a partner should - with love, respect, support and consideration. He can't be arsed arguing because he doesn't want to change. Not for you. Not for his four children. He's going for the easy option. But believe me, this IS the easy option for you too!

You're dc are already being affected by his selfish nasty behaviour. You need to think of them. They deserve this chance.

You've managed to cope with four kids with no support and being treated like crap. You'll manage without him. You need to get yourself all the benefits and support you are entitled to. This is why the system is there! Apply to csa asap. Don't depend on him suddenly becoming the caring support father he has never been, whatever bollox promises he comes out with!

It does not sound like you acted hastily. This is just more evidence that he really isn't at all nice or deserving of you. Don't doubt the decision because he was not nice about it. It should strengthen your resolve xxxxx

Thankyou it’s helpful to hear positive stories
I already want to change my mind but I don’t want him to think I’m too scared to go through with it and then be even more of a knob like what happened to you mrsdarcy

It feels hasty because this is off the back of an argument last night where he was particularly horrible and I suspect he just thinks I’m having a tantrum, but it just feels like the final straw I think

I want him to love me - but I can’t make him feel things he doesn’t, and that’s a really hard pill to swallow

Sounds like to me, that he’s wanted out for ages but, he’s too spineless to end it himself.

You’ve done the right thing.

Oh

sorry op.
but, I do everything for him, I’ve given him everything that was the mistake.

Get a load of distance and it will feel completely different. You can co parent. You may even end up as friends but for now, seriously OP with DC in the mix, don't weaken now. It would be a huge mistake.

I can tell you now, I was head over heels for my husband but it broke my heart every time there was a hiccup, like proper physical pain. 4 years on, I'm in an amazing relationship with a man I love deeply, I absolutely adore him, he loves me how I've always needed and we have a new baby together. It's not the life I planned but it's an amazing life nonetheless. I am happy. You can be too x