Saw ex for the first time

[Rock3pillo]

Previously posted on here after my husband of 4 months left me for a work colleague.

Cut a very long story short, I had been fortunate enough to not see him and her since he left in January. They are both living across the road from me at my in laws which has been another thing to deal with (she left her marriage for him too).

So last weekend I was on a girls night out. We live in a very small town where everybody knows everybody. I got complacent in thinking he'd stay away from mutual friends and places and received a call to say he was in the pub across the road with her. I completely broke down, I feel like I can't even enjoy going out now without being scared of seeing them both together. In light of this I decided to take the bull by the horns and arrange a meet up to discuss our home, finances etc and saw him for the first time this week (she's been away for the week). He came over and stayed for two hours and cried a lot.... I feel better after seeing him as he's become a mythical creature in my mind and it certainly made me realise that his life isn't this amazing fantasy as I imagined. He has promised me that he will not be socialising with her locally again however I know he feels very isolated and lonely (his own doing of course)....and I don't think the reaction he got whilst out was expected.

How can I prepare to see them together as I have a feeling he won't be able to help himself...? We have no children but were together for 9 years.

TIA

For me it was just time......lots of time. Eventually you'll stop caring.

Thank you all so much! I'm in our house at the moment but it's on the market to sell. Once it's sold I'll be moving at at least slightly away. Initially he was going to buy me out but something made me not go ahead... thank god now because she'd be living here by now and I'd have been none the wiser x

OP, can relate fully to everything you’re saying.. similar situation here together 11 years and married a year and he left in July and now lives with his new girlfriend about 10 minutes from me in the same small town and playing the ideal boyfriend card that he could never do for me.. nobody can keep up a facade forever, it’s all shiny and new and he’s given up everything for this so will he determined to make it work.

Rest assured the mask always slips, focus on you and what makes you happy not him or what he’s doing or where he’s going to be. Go out wherever you want too, Fuck it if you see him and him, hold your head high. You’re not going to turn in to a selfish idiot overnight so he’s not turned in to the dream boyfriend, let him keep up the act.. it won’t last x

That's so so true! They're on weekends away and living the high life (whilst in his parents spare room) she is a career woman and earns double what he does so he'll be loving that at the moment....

I think that's the thing that angers me the most... I had the man that laid in bed all day sleeping off a hangover and now they're away every weekend living the high life

Yup totally get it, I had the guy that spent his weekends doing whatever HE wanted to do.. she gets the guy that takes them away and does everything I wanted us to do .. FOR NOW.. it’s taken me a long time but I’ve finally realised my happiness has nothing to do if he’s happy or not, only I can make myself happy and I am :-)

Not sure if you feel the same but I’m more embarrassed my marriage only lasted a year and I HATE him for marrying me.. my parents are divorced and he knew marriage meant forever to me so that’s what I could never forgive, he wrecked marriage for me.

I am genuinely happy with my new life. Although until the house sells I do feel slightly in limbo as I know what's coming...

Yes people cannot change their make up and I know he'll slip back to his old ways too.

The marriage thing bothers me... although he insists he was madly in love with me on our wedding day, cried at the altar, said in his speech how much he loves me and doesn't appreciate me enough.... 4 months later in love with a woman from work. None of it makes sense. I was never particularly bothered by marriage that's the annoyance I was quite happy just living together etc but it makes it even more embarrassing now it ended so quickly after so long together.

Now that most people know it's easier to laugh about it.. that's my coping mechanism to make a joke out of the situation which has helped me a lot.

Same here, it’s good to be at a point where you can take humour from it. Sounds like he’s in lust not love and one day will see this as a big mistake but by then you’ll be with someone who doesn’t need to F up to realise what they’ve got!

Same here re the marriage thing, I wasn’t bothered and he also says he loved me on the wedding day and got emotional.

Sending you love and hope the house gets sorted. I managed to buy my ex out of the house but it was a long process but feel much better now it’s complete, the limbo wears off once everything starts to feel more settled. Our divorce completes on his 30th birthday .. I couldn’t help but laugh!

That'll be a nice birthday present! We can't apply for divorce until we've been married for a year so a few months left. It is just a sad situation isn't it because you wish for your old life back but you know no matter what, you can't. Even women that take men back after this, the old relationship is tainted and gone.