DD is 10. Her dad and I split up when she was 6 months old. He was abusive to me and had a history of taking drugs. When she was a year old he met his current partner, settled down, held down a job for many years, and DD had contact two nights a week. He was still bullying and controlling towards me, but he was stable and reliable in DD's life and that side of things was largely kept from her. I am now married and have DD2 with my husband.
So that is a very brief history. For the last two years he has been out of work, child support has been sporadic, and we have had several incidents where I had to speak to him regarding things he was saying to DD....he was asking questions about me, what I do, what I say, where I go, and this was upsetting her. In hindsight I should have put this all together, but DD never once said she didn't want to go, and she doesn't deal with changes in routine well, so I just addressed the issues as they came up.
A month ago he informed me that he was in hospital, having presented to A&E suffering from hallucinations because he has been taking drugs again. I told him immediately that contact was stopped. Following that, SS rang me and told me he had been admitted with suicidal thoughts but was discharged the next day. They contacted HCP's involved with him, and came back a week later and said that they were taking it no further and they were happy that he was trying to get clean. I was in a position where I felt that the SW didn't really want me to reinstate contact, but couldn't tell me not too as whatever threshold they had hadn't been met. DD was really upset that it had stopped, and so I allowed it to be reinstated. A week later, after two more contact sessions had happened, he was texting me in the middle of the night, 3 am and 4 am, talking total nonsense. I realised then that he was on drugs again, and contact had to stop again.
And here we are. This time, I feel like it will have to be a long term thing, because DD needs stability, not going back and forward, not knowing what is happening. I don't know what to tell her, how much is too much etc. She hates to think that things are being kept from her so I have tried to explain that her dad is not feeling great mentally. I haven't told her about the drugs or the hospital obviously.
The problem is that he has no idea how unwell he actually is. He was phoning me at 9 am this morning, and when I didn't answer he sent all these messages asking why does DD hate clowns? and telling me that he had the police out to him in the middle of the night, and the police told him he seems fine and that he should "trust his instincts". He is clearly having some kind of mental health episode but he doesn't know that he is.
When he realises that contact won't be starting anytime soon he is going to flip out. He will be intolerable, he will blame me, and I honestly have no idea what lengths he will go to. I am so much stronger than I used to be, but his bullying and abuse has had long term effects on my mental health, and I have university exams in three weeks, so I really need to focus on that and on DD and not on him.
I will be phoning the SW tomorrow again, but aside from that, we just have to wait this out, and support DD through this as best we can. I just don't know what has to happen for him to get help? Should he take me to court for contact what do I need to start doing now to build my case?
This is already so long because I didn't want to drip feed but if anything doesn't make sense I can try to explain better. I just need to know if you think I am doing the right thing, and if there is any advice as to what I should do next?