Do I leave?

[ncjustforthistoday]

NC for this. I've been married a year and have a 5 month old son. Partly due to MH problems, marriage has slowly gone south. Things are bad but DH doesn't seem to realise quite how bad.

We argue about silly things, old resentments always get dredged up. I've become fairly passive and mostly try to avoid conflict because it triggers his MH problems, leading to days/weekends ruined by him basically telling me how horrible I am etc etc. Ranting and texting me. He eventually comes round but it's hell in the meantime. We can't communicate over even the simplest of things now and I am walking on eggshells.

I want to split as over the years, feelings have been eroded and I don't want to be around him. But I'm worried about custody of DS, and how DH will behave. I'm not convinced he'll be reasonable. I don't know what is best for DS.

I suppose what I really want to know is what to expect. Can he get 50/50 custody of 5mo EBF baby? He can't cope when he cries, sometimes shuts down. I think he would just abort manage if I weren't there but I don't think it would be a pleasant experience for either of them.

Also I am a Sahm. I can work freelance again but would take time to get set up and also v difficult with baby (ebf, demanding, not great sleeper).

I'm hoping he will decide he wants to split. He is getting closer I think. But baby is holding him back. I think he'd be more amenable if his decision.

He won't go to counselling and it's hard to discuss our problems. It gets v tense and both feel the other is unreasonable. Just always geared up to take everything Said in a negative manner.

I don't really know what's going to happen and basically in need of a handhold please? And info on my rights if we do split? I'm terrified but so unhappy.

Also if we did split, would posting on here count against me? Is this ok?

Hi didn’t want to read and run but unfortunately don’t have much advice as never been married sorry :(

I have heard people saying that you shouldn’t ever make relationship decisions the first year after a baby but I don’t have a baby either!

Hope someone with sound advice comes along shortly to reassure you but if it’s any help I do think you need to sit him down and talk to him as you can’t go on like this x

Thank you for replying @AllTheGlitter That's a good point about not making a decision in the first year but it is unbearable. We've talked and talked, we just don't get anywhere. And when I try to talk more, he shuts down. Sometimes stonewalls although since I've made it very clear that is unacceptable, he either doesn't do it or stops when called up on it. Which is good I suppose

Bump

Just bumping this for you!

It sounds unbearable. Why wait until he calls the relationship off? Do you rent or own?

Do you live near family? Has he changed since having the baby?

@CanuckBC because I think he'll be easier to deal with if it's his idea. We own. And have a rental property too. No, not near family and he hasn't changed since baby was born - it's just felt more stressful since baby was born, for obvious reasons such as lack of sleep, different priorities etc.