Please help, there is no one I can talk to about this in real life.
Backstory for context. Been with DW for 12 years, same sex relationship. Two primary age children. I love her a lot but our relationship has had ups and downs - particularly when kids were small, sleep deprived, I had PND - which was v bad, still on anti- ds. I’m also on Hrt. We both come from abusive childhoods and have no family support.
When well, I am generally laid back, kind, nice, supportive etc. When low I can be tearful, nit picky, critical. Rarely angry. DP is funny, kind, etc but has a temper and looong sulks when pissed off.
Something has happened - totally my fault and Dp is understandably furious. I cope v badly with this - it could go on for ages - and desperate to make it better.
What did I do - Friday night - id been working away all week and staying with family so challenging- came back Friday tired etc etc. A mum from school, who I like but am not close to, had invited herself over to talk about something. neither of us wanted her to come but we’re crap at saying no, she came. We all got drunk. I don’t generally do this often and, if I do, I normally fall asleep. Never been a horrid drunk. No form. But I was, and I don’t remember. Woke up in the early hours on the sofa, no recollection. Next morning, Dp told me I’d been awful to her - aggressive, sweaty, showing off to said friend. I have no memory- no excuse I know. I’m mortified, genuinely upset that I’ve hurt her, apologised a lot etc. Dp hasn’t and won’t tell me exactly what I’ve said but thinks that concealing unspoken anger towards her hence behaving in that way. I’m not. So for her, it has shaken the whole foundations of our relationship and I’m not convinced it will recover. She is so angry.
Please help, what can I do?