Post divorce dramas which just go on and on and on...

[user1467480231]

In brief, been divorced for nearly two years, separated for 3. Husband went off with OW who was from Asia and half his age. Now has a toddler (we have grown up kids together who I bring up alone and who he only sees once a year). Basically, tells our kids he's miserable and fucked up his life. Shame.

Anyway, what I was really wondering was ... does anyone else have to suffer BS post divorce stuff purely because the ex has messed up his life and is now bitter? I can't seem to get away from it as he fiddles around with maintenance just so I have to hire the lawyer again (which leaves me in debt) and destroys holiday plans at the last minute (promised holidays for the kids never come about) which means I can't get time off work etc.

Just wish he would move on with his not-so-happy-life but unfortunately there has to be this ludicrous contact. If I didn't know better, it would seem that he can't let me go?

Yes it's horrible. Mine made no offer or discussion of maintenance of course when he got the cms claim he's telling the children I'm trying to take his money as though it's illegal! Also still being controlling and difficult in every way possible. I do my best to ignore and make minimal responses to abusive emails and texts and refuse to be drawn into any emotional blackmail. He used to love winding me up and I think he can't bear not having that power any more. I would have thought he would be more wrapped up in his new relationship but it seems that he must make me seem really awful to make himself feel better.

I too would have thought my ex would have spent more time trying to make the OW more secure, yet despite them both sporting wedding rings in photos, he takes his ring off when he sees our children and states that the only reason that his OW puts "Married" on her Facebook page is to "annoy mum". How fucked up is that??? The OW even took photos of the back of a random bride off the internet and stated "me at my wedding"!! LOL!

Now, this man I was married to for a million years actually used to seem quite normal but WTF has happened to him??! He's a 52 year old professional for gods sake ! Hahaha!

I think that the core quality lacking in these dads is empathy. It became apparent to me, later in the marriage that Ex did not have geniine empathy, it had all previously been faked and superficial. I was naive as I just assumed everyone was capable of empathy.

How a man describes his ex wife is very telling, if he shows no empathy for her obviously reduced financial circumstances then it is a good warning for his future behaviour.

If/when I go back onto the dating scene this is the value I will look for. I know a man whose ex wife is difficult due to BPD but he is still kind to her and about her, so I know these men do exist but they seem rare.

Thecrown3 exactly! Even when we were together I was always the one more careful with money.

He & wife 2 have had 5 more kids, live in a lovely detached 4 bed home in south east, new cars each every year, several holidays, latest tech etc plus the kids get all they could want - while my dd is lucky if she gets a birthday card!

Quite honestly my life experience and that of my friends and family has taught me that genuinely good men are few and far between. They do exist but they're definitely in the minority.

Out of over 300 friends/family I know less than a dozen.