Hello all, I'm a newly registered male user aged in his early fifties and I've been married for nearly 25 years. I'm after some advice/guidance, and will happily listen to any POV, but I am especially interested in a female perspective, the reasons for this will hopefully become obvious.
OK, a polite warning first....this thread is about my thoughts on the sex/love life that me and my wife have, and will contain some quite graphic stuff......apologies if you get offended. Also, it's not a zombie thread (I'm guessing that means the thread is bullshit) this is real....
A bit of background for some context......we have two children, one in his twenties and a teenager, both still at home. In the early 2000s I was fucking stupid and had an affair that resulted in me moving out. After me realising what a twat I had been, I begged to come back home, and after much talking/counselling that took 18 months we started again. I've never repeated that behaviour since.
Our sex life both before and after the affair was ( I was advised by a female Relate counsellor) less than what is considered 'normal'. We used to have sex about once every three or four weeks (Relate say that once/twice a week is considered the norm, apparently!!).
Over the last few years, my wife has started using cannabis on a regular basis, and she seems to be experiencing an increase to her sex drive as a result. Some of you might say, why am I moaning about this? Before the cannabis, she only came near me when she had drank alcohol, and she now says that the cannabis relaxes her and she can lose her inhibitions. I have also used cannabis, but tend not to most of the time.
She has also, again over the last few years, started to talk dirty during sex. It is always the same kind of conversation, involving another man fucking her, sucking his cock, cumming inside her, which is preceded by her reading erotic fiction 'to get her in the mood'.
For me, sometimes this works (sexually) but sometimes it doesn't, and TBH I go along with it, just so she can achieve orgasm.
We had the opportunity to go away together for the first time since our children were born last month, and using her choice we went to Amsterdam.
I have to admit that exploring my bi-side is something that has interested me, so we discussed this, went and got stoned off our tits, and found an adult cinema. We went into a private booth, and started playing with one another. Suddenly, a stiff cock appeared through a hole in the side of the booth, my wife started wanking and sucking it, I did the same, he came in seconds and was gone. We just looked at each other and carried on. A few minutes later another cock appeared, which resulted in pretty much the same thing, apart from when my wife was stood up by the hole and a hand came through. I encouraged her to move towards him, and he started to finger her (apologies for the sexual references here). Her face was a picture of ecstasy and pleasure, and TBH I really got off on it. He then put his cock back through the hole, came in seconds and was gone. She didn't have penetrative sex with him, but she wishes she had.
The rest of the time away was spent on our own in our hotel room in what can only be described as a cannabis fuelled shagfest, driven by the cinema experience. She described it as liberating, and had this huge smile on her face.
So, the dilemma...she now wants to repeat the experience back home. It may not surprise you to know that there is a distinct lack of such cinemas in the UK, so she wants us to meet with a man.
I have spoken about meeting with a couple where the man has a bi-curious side, but she completely rejected the idea of another woman being anywhere near me, which must bring back painful memories for her of my affair.
The thing for me about being in a different country and in a place where we couldn't see the man was the anonymity thing. Meeting with a man we can see changes that.
Deep down, I am worried that this is the start of me losing her, either to another man, or to her doing this on her own, effectively to her having an affair. We have spoken, and she assures me that we will only do this together, however she has already registered with a swinging/dogging website (which she told me about after she had done it) to try and find somebody.
I have always had insecurities about myself, I have a bit of a belly, but I go to the gym to try and stay in shape, I have a normal sized cock (again according to the stuff I have read, and now seen for myself!) and have never had a problem with not getting erections, but the thing about her only wanting sex when she is pissed or stoned leaves me to think that something isn't right. I have always found her attractive, and she just gets better with age, she looks more sexy to me now than she has ever done, despite her comments about what having children has done to her body and how she feels. I constantly reassure her than she is sexy, (she is) and that she has an amazing body (she does) but she still has the insecurities. She tells me that she feels the same about me, but the needing to be pissed/stoned thing makes me feel this is not true.
Is she looking for another man because she is not satisfied, or is this 'revenge' for the affair?
I hope this makes some kind of sense, and I would welcome your views especially from a female perspective.